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Sample essay topic, essay writing: Instant Fact: How To Get The Truth Out Of Anyone! - 5402 words
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.. before tipping hishand. Let the person know that you already know and have proof of his action. And admitting his sins now willgive him the opportunity to explain his side.Sample question formations: "I want to hear it from you now. After tomorrow, anything you say won't make adifference to me." ---- "I know what happened/what you did.
I was hoping I would hear it from you first. It wouldmean a lot to me to hear your side of it. I know there are two sides to every story, and before I decide what to do, Iwant to hear yours." Hearing this gives him the feeling he still has a chance if he confesses. After all, what reallyhappened can't be as bad as what you heard. Confessing now is a way of cutting his losses.Silver Bullet 6: Reverse CourseYou convey to him what happened or what he did was a good thing insofar as it allows you and he to establish aneven better relationship - personal or professional. You give him an opportunity to explain why he took that choice.You also blame yourself.Sample question formation: "I understand why you would have don't that
Clearly you wouldn't have unless youhad a good reason. You were probably treated unfairly or something was lacking. What can I do to help so that itdoesn't happen again?" Keep interjecting the following phrases: "I take full responsibility for your actions. Let'swork together to see how we can avoid this from happening again. I understand completely.
You were right to dowhat you did."Silver Bullet 7: I Hate To Do This, But You Leave Me No ChoiceThis is the only strategy that involves threat. You let him become aware that there are going to be greaterramifications and repercussions than just lying to you - things that he never thought about. You rely on hisimagination to set the terms of the damage that you can inflict. His mind will race through every possible scenarioas his own fears turn against him.o Sample question formation I: "I didn't want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice." This will propelhim to respond: "Do what?" At this point he's waiting to see what the tradeoff will be. But do not commityourself to an action.
Let him create in his own mind scenarios of what you will do unless he confesses.o Sample question formation II: "You know what I can do, and I'll do it. If you don't want to tell me now, don't.I'll just do what I have to do." After this statement, pay close attention to his response. If he focuses on whatyou will do to him, the odds lean more toward guilty. However, if he reasserts that he's done nothing, he mayin fact be innocent of your accusation. The guilty person needs to know the penalty to determine if it makessense for him to stick to his story.Silver Bullet 8: I Guess You're Not AllowedNever underestimate the power of appealing to a person's ego.
Sometimes you want to inflate it, and others timesyou want to attack it. This bullet is for attacking. It's truly saddening how fragile some people's egos are.Sample question formations: "I think I know what it is - you're not allowed to tell me. Somebody else is pullingthe strings and you'll get in trouble. You'd tell me the truth if you could, but you don't have the power to do so."Silver Bullet 9: Higher AuthorityAs long as the person believes that you are on his side, he'll take the bait. All you have to do is let him know thatanything he's lied about can now be cleared up in seconds. However, if anyone else finds out about it later, it's toolate. Let's say that you want to know if your secretary leaves early when you're out of the office.Sample question formation: "The vice president from corporate is coming in today.
He's asked about your hours,so I'm going to tell him that you come in early on the days that you leave early. Do you remember what days lastmonth you finished up early and took off?" This is disarming, and you're not yelling at her or demanding answers.You're on her side, and you're going to work together to smooth things over.Silver Bullet 10: The Great UnknownYou can obtain maximum leverage by explaining how the ramifications of his deceit will be something that thesuspect has never known before. Even if he believes that you are limited in what you can do to him and in what thepenalty will be, the severity of the penalty can be manipulated in two major ways to make it appear much moresevere: time and impact.o Time: Give no indication of when the penalty will occur. When things happen unexpectedly, the degree ofanguish is more potent.o Impact: Convey that his entire life will be disrupted and drastically altered for the worse. He needs to see thatthis event is not isolated and will instead have a ripple effect. When bad things happen we are often comfortedin knowing that it will soon be over and the rest of our life will remain intact and unaffected.
But if these thingsare not assured, we become increasingly fearful and concerned.Silver Bullet 11: I Couldn't Care LessA primary law governing human nature is that we all have a need to feel significant. Nobody wants to be thought ofas unimportant, or feel that his ideas and thinking is irrelevant. Take away a person's belief that he has value andhe'll do just about anything to reassert his sense of importance. Your apathy toward the situation will unnerve himimmensely. He will begin to crave recognition and acceptance, in any form.
He needs to know you care whathappens, and if talking about his misdeeds is the only way he can find out, he will.Sample question formations: "I know and I just don't care. This is not for me." --- "I've got other things to thinkabout. Maybe we'll talk some other time." --- "You do what you have to do, that's fine with me." To be morepowerful, stare at him. When you stare at someone he often feels less significant and will seek to reassert his value.III. Tactics For Detecting Deceit and Gathering Information In Casual ConversationsGeneral Conversations1. Ask-a-Facto During the conversation simply ask general, clear questions pertaining to your suspicion.
This causes theperson you are questioning to recall information. If he's lying, he'll take a while to answer because he firsthas to check his response mentally to be sure it makes sense. Made-up stories do not have details becausethey never happened!o Ask questions that will give you an objective, not a subjective response. For instance, if you think anemployee was home when he said he would be away on vacation, don't ask him how he enjoyed theweather in Florida, but rather ask "Did you rent a car?" Once he answers yes to any question, ask for moredetail. If he's lying, he'll try to keep the facts straight and will take his time answering further questions.2.
Add-a-False Facto Add a fact and ask the person to comment on it. This fact is one that you've made up, but one that soundsperfectly reasonable. For example, if you wanted to know if someone really indeed went on a safari toAfrica, you mention that your uncle who works as a customs officer at the Nairobi airport told you thateveryone going to Africa was given special instructions on how to avoid malaria. As soon as he validatesyour claim in an attempt to back up his assertion that he has gone to Africa, you know that his story isuntrue. Otherwise he would simply say that he doesn't know what your uncle is talking about.Here are the criteria:o Your statement has to be untrueo It has to sound reasonableo Your assertion has to be something that would directly affect the person, so he would have firsthandknowledge of this "fact."3. Support-a-Facto In this sequence you take what the person says and request proof, but in a very non-threatening manner.For example, in the case of the person who claimed he had gone on safari, you might let him know that youwould love to see pictures of the trip.
If he offers up a reason why you can't see the pictures, then thisshould arouse some suspicion.4. Expand-a-Facto Use this clue to determine how far someone is willing to go to get what she wants. All you do is expand ona fact that she has already offered. If she just goes on without correcting you, then you know that she maybe lying about what she's said so far and/or is willing to lie to get you to see her point. For example, yoursecretary asks you for the rest of the day off because she's not feeling well.
You might say, "oh, of course,if you've got a fever and a bad headache, by all means take off." She never claimed to have thesesymptoms. You merely expanded on her statement.Special Occasions1. Third-Party Protectiono This tactic is used if someone is reluctant to tell you something that involves another person. You have toappeal to his ego and let him forget that he's telling tales out of school. The conversation needs to bepositive. The other person must feel as if he's doing a good thing by answering your question.o Scenario A: Your attorney is telling you about a case that a fellow attorney screwed up on. Simplyasking, "What did he do wrong?" would probably get you nowhere. However, by turning it aroundyou create an incentive for him to tell you.
Ask, "Had you handled the case, what would you havedone differently?"o Scenario B: While chatting with Brad, one of your sales people, you would like to find out whySusan's sales figures are low. But simply asking him why she's not doing well might prove fruitless.Ask, "What areas do you think Susan can improve in?"2. The Power Playo Sometimes the person reluctant to tell the truth is in a position of power. In these situations it's usuallyinappropriate and futile to become argumentative. In these instances you want to bring the conversation toa personal level.o Scenario: You're trying to sell to a buyer who doesn't want to buy and is not giving you a reason thatyou truly believe.
Your objective will be to get to the real objection. "I do this for a living. My familyrelies on me to support them. Clearly we have a fine product and you're a reasonable man. Wouldyou mind telling me what I did to offend you?" Now your buyer is caught off guard and willundoubtedly follow with "Oh, you didn't offend me. It's just that.."3.
Hurt Feelingso Someone is lying to you to protect your feeling - perhaps one of those little white lies. A touch of guiltmakes the other person reevaluate his approach.o Scenario: You feel that the truth is being withheld from you for your own benefit. "I know you don'twant to offend me, but you're hurting me more by not being perfectly honest." "If you don't tell me,no one else will. If I can't count on you for this, I don't know what I would do."4. It's A Matter of Opiniono The following is an excellent method for detecting deceit in a person's opinion.o Scenario: You're not sure if your boss really likes your idea for a new advertising campaign, eventhough she says she does. "Do you like the concept for my new idea?" "Sure. It's very original.""Well, what would it take for you to love the idea?"5.
I Don't Knowo This response can stall a conversation and leave you searching for answers. Sometimes it's just easier tosay, "I don't know," which is often why we say it in the first place. Either way, when you hear "I don'tknow," try some of the following responses:1. "Okay, then why don't you tell me how you've come to think the way you do?"2. "I know you don't know, but if you were to guess, what do you think it might be?"3.
"What emotion best describes what you're thinking right now?4. "What one word comes closest to describing what you're thinking?"o In all these responses, you're taking the pressure off. You acknowledge the person's difficulty inanswering. You then seem to be asking her to provide something else, when in reality your new question isaimed at getting your initial question answered.6. I'm Simply Embarrassedo The person may lie to you out of embarrassment.
The usual tactics don't work here because the personprobably isn't obligated to tell you and more than likely will have nothing to gain by doing so. Thereforeyou need to create an incentive for telling the truth in an environment that makes him feel comfortable.o Scenario: You think the new intern mixed up two piles of papers and shredded the documents thatwere supposed to be copied. "Nelson, if you're the one who did this, it's all right. I remember when Ifirst started here. What I'm going to tell you is between you and me, okay? Good. I once madecopies of a confidential memo instead of the lunch menu and placed a copy in each person's mailbox."This instantly puts the other person at ease.
It shows that you trust him, and he also feels obligated toshare with you something he's done that he feels uncomfortable with.7. Divide and Conquero This is situation where there are two or more people from whom you can get the truth.o Scenario: Several of your sorority sisters pulled a practical joke and you want to find out who isresponsible. "Jennifer, who did this is not important. I don't even care. What is important is ourfriendship.
I want to know that I can trust you. I think I can, but I need for you to speak honestly withme. It's not that I'm so concerned with who did it - only that you are truthful with me about it." Ifyou don't get anywhere with her, go to someone else with the same speech.8. Professional Relianceo When dealing with professionals:1. Always, if possible, get a second opinion.
It's easy to do and can save you a lot of heartache.2. Make sure the person is licensed, insured, and registered to do the actual work.3. Have your agreement drawn up in writing. Oral contracts aren't worth it.4. Ask for referrals or testimonials.o If he balks at any one of these points, you might want to take your business elsewhere. Finally, thefollowing strategy should give you an accurate insight into the person's intentions.
They key is to ask forthe opposite of what you really want.o Scenario: Let's say that your travel agent suggests the Five-Day Cruise Getaway vacation package for you.You're looking to really let loose; you want a trip that will be nonstop fun, but you're not sure if she'spushing this package for the commission or if she really believes that it's a great deal. "The brochure looksgreat, Sandy. I just want to make sure that this is not one of those party boats. I'm looking for some restand relaxation. Is this that kind of trip?" By asking your question this way, you will know the intentions ofyour travel agent and the answer to your question. If she answers yes, then you know that the cruise is notfor you or she is lying to get your business.9. I Don't Know and I Don't Careo Few things are more frustrating than dealing with someone who just doesn't give a damn.
Why? Becauseyou don't have a whole lot to work with. You've got zero leverage. He's got nothing at risk, so you've gotlittle bargaining power. You simply have to change the equation so he's got something at stake.o Scenario: You take your car to the mechanic and he tells you it will be fixed by Friday. But you justknow that something's going to come up and it will be sitting in his garage all weekend. "Okay, Joe.Tomorrow's fine.
Just so you know, my wife is pregnant and she's due any day. That's our only car,so if you can think of any reason why it may not be ready by Friday, you've got to let me know now."10. I Just Heardo Most people who lie usually confide in at least one other person. It's important to let this person believethat you already know the truth and then add your emotional reaction to it. For example, some generalstatements that would be said to the person whom you believe knows the truth:1.
Sympathy: "I can't believe what Sam did. I am truly very sorry. If there's anything I can dofor you or whatever, please just let me know, okay?2. Humor: "Mary, is Joe a magnet for odd things or what? He just told me and I still can'tbelieve it."Directing The ConversationYou can steer a conversation in any direction that you choose. You can do this very efficiently with just a few wellchosenwords. After he makes a statement, you can use the following key words to direct the flow of information inany way that you choose.
They can be used to extract information from any conversation.1. Meaning .. Saying this word after he speaks directs his thinking and the conversation toward thelarger picture, giving you a better look at his overall position. He will offer the reason for the position.2. And .. This response gives you more lateral information.
You'll be able to gather additional facts.3. So .. This response makes him get more specific, giving you the details of his position.4. Now .. This response makes him translate his position into a specific action.
He will proceed to tellyou exactly what he means and how it applies to you.Getting SpecificSometimes you'll get an answer, but it doesn't do you much good. Here are a couple ways of narrowing it down.1. In Response to an Opinion or Beliefo "I don't think the meeting went very well." - "Compared with what?" or "How poorly did it go?"2. In Response to a Reluctance to Commito "I don't know if I could." - "What, specifically, prevents you?" or "What would have to happen for you tobe able to?" or "What would change if you did?"Let The Truth Be ToldThese simple words work better than any others do:1. Because: We're programmed to accept an explanation as valid if it follows this word.2. Let's: This word generates group atmosphere and initiates a bandwagon effect; it's positive and creates action.3.
Try: This little word is a powerful motivator because it has a "what's the harm" mentality.For example, "Let's give it a try because if it doesn't work we can always go back to the way it was." Clearly youhaven't introduced any reason for the person to take action, yet it seems to make sense just the same.Don't accuse someone as by saying, "Why did you take five dollars from petty cash?" If you want to know if hetook the money, simply say, "The money that we take from petty cash? Let's try to keep it fewer than ten dollars ata time, because it works out better that way."Taking ControlIf in a situation where you are unable to speak because the person keeps talking or interrupting, use some zingerslike these. They play on two susceptible angles of human nature - ego and curiosity.1. "You're a smart person; let me ask you a question."2. "I know that you would want me to ask you this."3. "You're the only person who would know the answer to this."4. "I hope this news doesn't upset you."5.
"Along those lines.." It's easy to change conversation when you begin with the other's last thoughts.IV. Mind GamesA Strong Defense: Avoiding The LieThe best time to deal with a lie is before it turns into one. The following is a technique for cutting a suspicion off atthe pass before it turns into deception.Method 1This is the method you use when you want the truth as it relates to a person's previous behavior. Here is a possiblescenario: a parent suspects that her twelve-year-old son is smoking cigarettes.Approach: "I know all about the smoking and the sneaking around. You know I'm not happy about that, but I justwant you to promise me that you won't drink alcohol until you're twenty-one."This is by far the finest approach because it works on so many levels.
First, it takes a forward assumptive stance -the parent "knows all about the smoking." Second, it uses two truisms. The phrases "sneaking around" and "youknow I'm not happy about that" set the tone for honesty. The child hears two things that he knows to be true: Hewas sneaking around and his mother is unhappy about his smoking. He is therefore willing to accept at face valuewhat follows. Third, the mother gives her son an easy out.
All he has to do is promise not to drink and he's homefree. There's no threat or punishment, just honest statements followed by a deal that he believes to be true as well.The guidelines to keep in mind for this procedure are as follows:o Assume your suspicion as facto State at least two truisms (facts that you both know to be true)o Switch the focus from a threat to a requesto The request should be easy for him to accept and sound reasonableMethod 2This method is used when you want the truth as it relates to a new decision. It is a simple but highly effectivestrategy to avoid being deceived. Oftentimes someone wants to tell us the truth, but it's easier to tell a lie instead.The person knows the answer you want to hear and will give it to you whether he believes it or not. However, if hedoesn't know what you want, then he won't be able to deceive you.
Read the following examples and notice howwell the second phrasing masks your true question.o "Would you like me to cook for you tonight?" --- "Do you feel like eating in or out tonight?"o "I'm thinking of asking Rhonda out. What do you think of her?" --- "What do you think of Rhonda?"Know Thy Enemy: Knowing The Liar and His IntentionsThe following example illustrates a process that is becoming very popular in employee screening tests. Thequestions below are asked the prospective employee to determine if he is an honest person. If you really wanted thejob, how would you answer these questions?Have you ever stolen anything in your life?Have you ever run a red light?Do you have a friend who has ever shoplifted?Many of us would have to answer yes to most of these questions. And that is precisely the answer a prospectiveemployee is looking for. Why? Because the honest answer is yes for most of us. The employer's task is findingthose who are honest about it.
Stealing a pack of gum when you were twelve years old doesn't make you a badperson or an undesirable employee.Let's say that Martha's teenage son, who has been away from home and living on the streets for the past two years,wants to come home. Knowing that her son is addicted to cocaine, she is worried about whether he can actuallyclean up his act. She could tell him that he can move back in only if he enrolls in a drug rehabilitation program. Hewill probably agree to this whether he plans to do it or not. Instead, she tells her son that he can move back in if hequits cold turkey - never doing another drug whatsoever.
Her son's answer will reveal his commitment to gettingwell, which is the real concern. Obviously her son can hardly get rid of his addiction instantly. So if he indicatesthat he can, she knows that he's lying about his intention to get well. However, if he says that he can't but will makestrides toward getting better, she will know that he is sincere in his pursuit of wellness.V. Advanced Techniques For Getting The TruthEmbedded Commands:This technique is very simple and has only two criteria.
First, for maximum effectiveness the command should startwith an action verb, because you're telling the mind to do something. Second, the entire command should beseparated from the rest of the sentence using what is called an analog marker. You set the command portion off byone of the following:1. Lower or raise the volume of your voice slightly while speaking the command.2. Insert a short pause right before and then right after the command. For instance, "Sometimes we just..
become fascinated .. with what we're reading."3. Gesturing with your hand while you are the giving the command momentarily distracts the consciousmind, and the embedded statement is received by the unconscious mind as a command.Unconscious Creations:You give a suggestion that creates a perceivable action so you can observe the signs of deceit without continuing toquestion him. Watch for the behaviors that you embed in the sentences. They will usually occur at some pointduring your conversation.o "I'm not saying that you should stiffen up your body if you're lying."o "I don't know if you're lying. Unless you feel like blinking your eyes fast if you are."o "If you ..
like what you're reading .. you may .. smile .. now."Disassociation:It's the old person who would lie versus the new person who would never hurt you. In your conversation, continueto repeat phrases like the ones below. Make sure that they contrast the old him and the new him.o "Perhaps the old you was capable of this.
But I know you would never do that now."o "You're a different person than you used to be. I'm sure that you're even more upset with the old youthan I am. But you're not that person anymore."o "You're only responsible for who you are today. You are someone who is honest and trustworthy."Eye-Accessing Cues:This technique works on the following principle. When a person thinks, he accesses different parts of his braindepending upon the information that is being accessed. This process can be observed watching the eyes.
For righthandedpeople, visual memories are accessed by the eyes going up and to the left. For a left-handed person, it's thereverse: the eyes go up and to the right. When a right-handed person seeks to create an image or fact, his eyes go upand to right. And the reverse is true for the left-handed person. You can use this technique in any conversation todetermine if the person is creating or recalling information. Simply watch his eyes and you'll know whether he'srecalling an event that's already occurred or making up a story about something that has never happened.Advanced Conversation Stoppers: Trance Phrases:These conversation stoppers use phrases that are mild trance inducers.
They cause the listener to zone outtemporarily while his brain tries to process the information. They give you some time to collect your thoughts whileothers lose their train of thought.1. "Why are you asking me what you don't know for sure?"2. "Do you really believe what you thought you knew?"3. "If you expected me to believe that, you wouldn't have said it."4.
"Do you believe that you knew what you thought?"5. "Why would you believe something that's not true?"6. "Why are you agreeing with what you already know?"7. "Are you unaware of what you forgot?"See For Yourself:The power of expectation and suggestion can be used with tremendous results. The key to using this technique is toimplant an artificial suggestion and let it manifest inside the person's mind. This technique may induce a temporarystate of mild paranoia, especially if two or more people make the same suggestion.Scenario: You think that a coworker has been stealing office supplies.
"Samantha, have you noticed that peopleseem to be looking at you a little funny?" You can be sure Samantha will "see" everyone looking at her, and it willconsume her attention until she stops.VI. Tricks Of The TradeThese are the psychological secrets of the experts, the tricks of the trade - factors that can affect your judgement inobjectively evaluating information.Rule 1: Wow! You're Just Like Meo Watch out when you're asked about your hobbies, hometown, values, favorite foods, etc., only to befollowed with the obligatory "Me too, what a coincidence."o Another aspect of this rule is that if someone is nice to us, we not only like him more but also are morelikely to agree with him. If he's agreeing to everything you say, whether or not it makes sense, watch out.o Rapport creates trust. It allows the other to build a psychological bridge to you. You feel morecomfortable and your gullibility increases. Take note if your movements, rate of speech or tone are echoed.Rule 2: Beware the Stranger Bearing GiftsWhen someone gives us something, we often feel indebted to him.
When you are presented with a request, makesure that you're not acting out of a sense of obligation. This rule can take many forms - it's not limited to gifts.You could be offered information, a concession, or even someone's time.Rule 3: It's Half Price! But Half of What?This principle states that facts are likely to be interpreted differently based upon the order in which they'represented. In other words, we compare and contrast. An example of this principle are price markdowns. An itemthat's been reduced from $500 to $200 certainly seems like a better bargain than something that sells for $150. Thecontrast on the sale item makes it more attractive, even if it's not as nice as the item that sells for less.
The key is toonly consider each decision by itself. This can best be accomplished by letting time pass between decisions and byindependently determining the value of the object.Rule 4: Just Do This One Little Thing For Me?Beware if you are asked to commit to something, even in a small way. This request is usually followed by a slightlygreater request, and over time your sense of commitment is built up to the point where you feel locked into yourdecision. When you make decisions, notice if your best interests are being served.Rule 5: The Bandwagon EffectThis principle states that we have a tendency to see an action as appropriate if other people are doing it. Do wethink that something is funnier if others are laughing? Absolutely.
The key to avoiding the influence of this rule isto separate your level of interest from other people's desire. Just because you're told that something is the latest,best, hottest, or biggest seller doesn't make it right for you.Rule 6: Rare Doesn't Always Mean ValuableThis principle states that the harder something is to acquire, the greater the value we place on its attainment. Inessence, we want what we can't have and want what is hard to obtain even more. The key to avoid this rule beingused on you is to ask yourself this question: would I still want it if there were a million just like it and no one wantedany of them?Rule 7: I'm on Your SideThis technique is used to gain credibility. When used effectively, you would swear that you've just made a new bestfriend who has your best interest at heart.
For example, let's say that you're in a mattress store and consideringbuying the Super Deluxe - a top-of-the-line bed. The salesman tells you that if you want it he'll order it for you, buthe feels you should know something first. He tells you that while the consumer would never realize it, thismanufacturer uses recycled materials on the inside. He has thus gained your complete confidence. He's risking asale to tell you something that you'd never find out otherwise. Now you'll be inclined to trust anything he says.Rule 8: Well, Can You at Least Do This?If you're asked to do a rather large favor for someone only to decline his request for help, beware.
A smaller favor,the one he really wants you to do, may follow. We are more likely to agree to a smaller request if we're firstpresented with a larger one. There are three psychological motivations at work:o You feel that in contrast to the first request, the smaller one is no big deal.o You feel bad for not coming through on his original favor, and this seems like a fair compromise.o You don't want to be perceived as unreasonable. A small little favor isn't going to kill you.
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