The role of the orgasm in heterosexual relationships is significant in having a satisfying male female relationship according to society's expectations. By using the male female binary, as well as exploring the social construction of sex, we can see just how significant the role the orgasm plays in heterosexual relationships. First off, we must understand that orgasms are achieved differently for both males and females. Male orgasms are achieved through the male sex organ, being the penis.
It has many nerve endings that are very sensitive. The female orgasm contains just as many of these nerve ending, but is a much smaller size. The penis is on average 5. 5 inches, where the clitoris is about 1 inch. What is interesting is the actual act of sexual penetration in regards to orgasms.
This act is perfectly constructed for the male to achieve orgasms, but poorly constructed for the female. The vagina is inches away from the clitoris, and is the primary body part involved in sex. Since the penis is penetrating the vagina, we see how it is easy for it to be fully stimulated and to reach climax. However, the female sex organ receives little if any stimulation depending on the position, which in fact makes it extremely hard for females to reach climax.
It is also interesting to note that the act of intercourse itself ends not with the female orgasm, but with the male. Due to the biological make-up of males and females, the actual act of sex (penetration) is constructed around the male orgasm. When exploring the role of the orgasm, we have to take into consideration complexity of the female orgasm. Society makes up certain stereotypes for males and females in terms of sexual relationships. Here we take into consideration the male female binary in terms of sex and emotion. Males are able to separate sex from emotion, where females combine the two.
Therefore, the female orgasm is both physical and metal. Some females even go further and say that without both components involved, the female orgasm is extremely hard to achieve unless they are both physically and mentally involved with their male counterpart. This also requires most females to be completely comfortable with their male partner. Society on the other hand finds it acceptable for men to be sexually promiscuous, and this is a key factor for men to be able to achieve orgasm with a female partner, regardless of the feelings involved. Since men do not always understand the complexity of the female orgasms, it involves the female to be very 'open' with the male in terms of what is physically entailed to bring the woman to an orgasm.
What is pleasurable for the male is not always pleasurable for the female. Another key factor is society's acceptance of masturbation for males, where it is seen to be deviant for females, since females are constructed as being the nurtures and therefore not promiscuous. Males feel comfortable in practising masturbation, thus knowing exactly what feels good for them and how to achieve this. Some females on the other hand find masturbation to be wrong or not lady like. Therefore, many women do not know how to achieve an orgasm.
If a female is unable to bring herself to orgasm, it is very unlikely her partner will be able to as well, even if he knows how to bring other partners to climax. The guest speaker that attended class on March 1 st, Corey Silverberg, explained the importance of sex toys in exploring orgasm. These toys are designed specifically to bring females to climax, and many are designed to target the female clitoris. The integration of these toys into the act of sex with a male partner can help eradicate some of the obstacles involved in achieving an orgasm with a partner. The female will establish openness with the males by showing him she is open with her sexuality, and that she wants to get pleasure out of sex as well. Although, some males may feel intimidated by these toys, it is important that the females deconstructs society's stigma that a man is not fully a man unless he can bring his woman to orgasm.
Males must understand that he makes her feel good on his own and that specific toys simply help stimulate the clitoris so that both her sex organs, as well as his is being stimulated at the same time, which will result in orgasm. The concept of the 'gift exchange' (where the gift is the orgasm) is when males feel that they must bring their female counterpart to orgasm first before they have an orgasm their self. This is a result of the idea that the act of sex revolves around the male orgasm, and when the males comes to climax the act of penetration is finished. Others, who climax before their partners will change the act to oral sex, which the male can directly stimulate the clitoris. Oral sex is an important topic to consider when exploring the differences between the male and female orgasm. Both oral sex and penetration focus on the male sex organ, being the penis; however this is not the same for females.
Penetration focuses on the vagina, where oral sex focuses on the clitoris. This act is important for female sexuality because it makes climax the easiest for women due to the direct contact with their sex organ. However, once again there is some social stigma connected with this act geared towards men, and therefore some man may believe that it is unmanly or dirty to perform oral sex, and that they should only receive oral sex not perform it on their female. Due to the stigma regarding men not being 'masculine' unless they are able to bring their female partner to orgasm, this leads many women to 'fake' an orgasm in order to makes sure their male partner is happy and satisfied. Females faking orgasms is a topic many men fear, but in fact it is a reality because of this stigma. The problem is that women get so used to faking it, that they give up on the idea of ever achieving an orgasm with their partner, and that it is easier to just fake it.
It is almost like they are having sex just to please the male. Also, when a woman fakes it, it seems that the male will never really learn how to please the woman properly because he already thinks he is. It is also hard for a woman who has been faking orgasms with her partner for so long, to come out and say "can we try something different, because this is not working for me." This would then lead to the man feeling very tricked and betrayed, and would be a blow to his ego (because he not masculine according to society unless he can please the woman). Therefore, women should learn to always be honest, and let the man know he makes you feel good whether you orgasm or not, but that there are certain things he can do (oral, sex toys) that can help you achieve orgasm as well. In conclusion, we see that through certain social stigma, such as masturbation and oral sex, as well as through the concepts of the male being the gift giver, and the act of penetration focusing on the penis, society gives little importance to the female orgasm. In terms of heterosexual relationships it is important for the female to be open with her partner in informing him of what is needed to increase her sexual pleasure, which will help bring her to orgasm as well.
Society has placed a great importance on orgasms in relationships, especially in terms of the male, and as a result we have found ways to ensure this is satisfied through faking it, sex toys, and different sexual acts.