A World Without Engineers Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, on the planet Zovirax, there was an evil king, King Syphilis, who was mighty pleased with himself, for he had just banished all the engineers on the planet to work in the Pixie Stick Powder mines on the moons of Gluteus. 'You see,' he told his sycophantic servants and lackeys, 'I have solved two problems with one simple executive order. I have rid the planet of those annoying, nerdy, know-it-all, engineers.' (King Syphilis was actually quite envious of them, because he went to a Junior University in Palo Alto, and didn't know very much at all. ) 'And secondly,' he explained, 'I have provided cheap slave labor for the Pixie Stick Powder mines, thus ensuring a limitless supply of this heavenly confection for all to enjoy.' All of King Syphilis's taff applauded loudly, because he tended to behead those who didn't.

'Bring us intoxicating chemicals, so that we may celebrate,' ordered the king. 'I'm sorry, Mr. King Syphilis,' replied the servant. 'You banished all the chemical engineers to the powder mines, so we cannot make the intoxicating chemicals anymore.' King Syphilis was quite mad.

Nobody talked back to him and go away with it. 'Bring me my plutonium pha sor gun, so that I may vaporize this impudent guy,' ordered the king. 'I'm sorry, my good King Syphilis,' replied another servant. 'Since you deported all the nuclear engineers to the powder mines, we have been unable to operate the plutonium powered pha sor gun.' Now the king was really mad. 'I'm really mad!' said the king. 'Bring me my limousine, so that I may repeatedly run over these contumelious servants of mine.' 'No can do, Mr.

King,' said the third servant, whose part will be played in the movie version by Keanu Reeves. 'All the mechanical engineers are in the mine place, and everyone knows, you can't drive cars without mechanics.' 'Go jump off a bridge!' said King Syphilis. Another of his servants interrupted, 'We have no more bridges, since all the civil engineers have been exiled to the powder mines. Perhaps we should bring them all back.' But the king was not the brightest of kings, so he didn't agree to that just yet.

'Bring me my vibrating pleasure device, so that I may relax and think about this dilemma of ours,' ordered the king. 'We are unable to do that, my king, because all the electrical engineers who design the vibrating pleasure devices are in the powder mines.' 'Hmmm,' thought the king. 'Perhaps I was wrong in banishing the engineers from my planet. Without them, we have no intoxicating chemicals, no plutonium powered pha sor guns, no automobiles, no bridges, and no vibrating pleasure devices.

I will bring them back from the powder mines of Gluteus.' But it was too late, because the engineers so enjoyed having free time that every last one refused to return, and they were all killed in a freak mining accident. So the moral of the story, boys and girls, is that engineers are a very important part of out everyday lives, and, engineers although smelly and dirty like pigs in a pig pen, you should not banish them to slave labor camps.