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Sample essay topic, essay writing: In Shape - 1429 words

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.. is an anthology of stories of coming out by different women. In her story, E.S. describes a feeling of dutifulness to her husband, of being defined by her marriage, the feeling of relying on her husband's name to create who she was. She goes on to describe later in the story her first experience of coming out.

".....we were all gathered around the water cooler, silence greeted my admission that, yes, I was seeing another woman. Mike in an offhand, flippant way mumbled something about having to cancel lunch and made a beeline to the director's office." E.S. admitted that maybe that wasn't the best way to out herself but she was tired of hiding everything inside. Many women go through this fear after being married for several years.They become so dependant on the patriarchal society that they have doubts when it comes to letting go and forming a new life. p. 7Another woman, B.E

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chose to remain married to her husband event though she comes out as a lesbian . She did this so she could still maintain the benefits she had as a straight, married woman. B.E. says, "I wore the mask and the costume that were required of me for entrance into the world of heterosexual privilege." Eventually B.E. could not handle the pressure of living a double life.

She divorced her husband and began to live her life as a lesbian. B.E. said that it was the hardest decision that she had to make. She recalls her father talking about bull-daggers and motorcycle mamas and the way her mother beat her every time she looked at another little girl. Despite her fears of not being accepted she chose to go with her heart and live life as felt was best. Most of the stories throughout the book were very similar.

All expressed the fears of being discriminated against by family, friends, coworkers and the heterosexual society in general. Being raised in a patriarchal model also aided in suppressing any homosexual feelings that women experienced growing up. As a final aid in researching this topic I interviewed two women who both self-identified as lesbians in their early forties. The first one whom I will call B. is a forty-one year old Caucasian, Italian, and Catholic. She is single and has never been married.

She identifies herself as a butch lesbian (butch meaning she ascribes to positive masculine characteristics). B has no children. She is out at work and to her immediate family and friends. She is a computer programmer at a small independent company. B.

states that she first began questioning her identity as early as fourteen or fifteen years of age. p. 8 When asked how she had viewed homosexuality, she answered that she was taught that it was evil and a sin, she did not feel that it was evil but because her family is Roman Catholic she had adopted these views also. B went through the motions of dating men and was even engaged once. This was done just to please her parents.

When B. turned thirty-five her parents really began pressuring her to have a baby. By this time B. had been in a total of three relationships with another woman. The "thought even sleeping with a man" was all she needed to start thinking about coming out.

Finally on her fortieth birthday she told her parents and brothers and sisters that she was gay. At first her mother wouldn't talk to her and her father really did not say much. If she didn't talk about it then it was O.K. B. says they are finally starting to come around.

B. stated that she did not give too much consideration about her job. She was aware that some of her coworkers had a problem with homosexuality but that did not affect her career. One way that she feels she has to compromise her sexuality is by dressing like a professional woman. By being a butch lesbian, B. does not feel comfortable in skirts and heels. "The heterosexual society is not accepting to women who dress in the masculine fashion." B.

has not faced any verbal or physical abuse due to her identity. She also has not been discriminated against. B states that although she has not been denied services she has had to have pregnancy tests done when visiting the gynecologists even after disclosing that she was gay and had never been with a man. As a computer programmer, B. has been passed over for two managerial p.

9positions by men but she says that she doesn't think it was because she was gay or if it was because she was a woman (B. has twenty years experience as a programmer). B states that she has not felt the need to change her career trajectory or professional goals due to fear of discrimination in the workplace. When asked if she went through a 'second childhood' after coming out she laughed and said that was a good way to describe it. She is into dating and going out to the clubs and she worries about if someone will like her, etc.

B. stays involved in the gay community by attending gay fundraisers and political events and of course the nightlife. B. says she is a member of L.O.F.T. (lesbians over forty).As far as her family, they are disappointed that she will not have kids or a big church wedding, but they love her and respect her decision. B. has to agree that all in all her coming out experience was a positive one.

My second interview was with a woman by the name of Kathy. Kathy is forty- five years old and came out when she was thirty -eight. She is also a Caucasian woman who describes her ethnicity as being Irish. She does not have a religious preference but her family is Protestant. She was married in her early twenties but divorced two years later and has no children.

She identifies as a lesbian. The people who know her identity are her very close friends and her coworkers. Kathy is a casemanager at a residential facility for adults that are diagnosed as being mentally ill. Kathy states that she first p. 10began questioning her sexual identity right after her divorce.

Her husband had been caring, and kind and their sex life was O.K. Still, Kathy says, her life felt like it was missing something. This caused arguments in their relationship and finally ended in their divorce. Kathy continued to date men but occasionally found herself attracted to a woman. She brushed this off as just wanting female friendship. Finally when she was thirty- seven she met a woman.

To make a long story short they quickly became involved and Kathy describes this experience like "having a blindfold removed form your eyes". That next year Kathy came out at the Gay Pride Parade. Kathy commented on the fact that her chosen field for a career has a strong reputation for hiring gay people, so she had no qualms about coming out at work and is not planning on changing her career or professional goals. Kathy says that she doesn't have to compromise anything for her identity because she says she is a 'passing' lesbian. A passing lesbian just means that no one can tell she is gay by looking at her.

She doesn't belong to any gay organizations but she does support gay owned businesses. Her family does not know that she is a lesbian. For Kathy the coming out process was a positive one for her. She says she just wishes she could tell her family but she doesn't feel like that is a choice. As the previous examples demonstrate, coming out as lesbian in middle adulthood is made more difficult from the prolonged influence of the patriarchal society. Fear of heterosexual discrimination also was a deterrent in the coming out process.

Women did p. 11express that after coming out that they experienced a 'second childhood' in terms of dating and meeting new friends. A surprising find was that even though women were worried about discrimination in the workplace, very few considered altering their career choices and professional goals. Most of the fear was of the reaction of heterosexual family and friends. Coming out is never easy for anyone and when paired with being married and having kids and learning how to survive according to male construct in a heterosexually dominant society, it becomes even more difficult to define one's sexuality.

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