Imagine walking alone down an endless pathway, with only pain and emotional suffering as you continue the search for happiness and comfort that you hope to find with friends. When I came to Canada, leaving behind my friends and family, I became very lonely because I never knew anyone, and was ignored by my peers. I would just stay buried into computer games and slowly but surely, I was becoming a depressed "potato couch." Loneliness depressed me because it made me jealous of people who weren't lonely, made me sad, and therefore, made me lose my confidence. Loneliness made me jealous of people who weren't lonely because I thought that I didn't deserve this kind of cruel treatment. I pictured myself as a very kind, caring and loving person and it came to me as a shock when people didn't recognize that right away. As I walked down the street desperately hunting for friends, I saw three friends going to the movies.
Seeing this, I remembered the good old days when my friends and I used to go an hour early for the movies and just play pool or laze around. When we went for the movie, we would annoy the audience by screaming out nasty comments before being kicked out of the cinema. Is shed a tear, but quickly wiped it away so that people wouldn't think that I was "weak." Jealousy roared within me like hot lava waiting to erupt. I envied everyone around me, including my brother who has been here for just a couple of months more than me, but already has a whole heap of friends. While wandering in the park alone, I had an outburst of anger, and started screaming at God, asking him what I had done to deserve this harsh treatment. It wasn't my fault that I was shy and reserved, but I kept my faith in him, although I felt that it was hopeless.
Jealousy took over my world and my soul, leading to sadness. Loneliness made me sad because I felt like I was all alone in this world, with no one caring about me. I felt like I was an ant lying in the middle of the vast desert, with nothing but land surrounding me. Sometimes I just felt like ending this miserable life, but I was reassured when I remembered the fact that I have migrated several times in life and at first, it was as horrible as this.
Jealousy led to sadness, because after a period of time, I felt pathetic and was ashamed of envying other people. Therefore, I tried to hide from loneliness, not realizing that I was only getting pulled into the dark and isolated world of loneliness. Loneliness made me lose my confidence, because I found it harder to approach people and introduce myself, or even talk to people that I already knew. I lost confidence because I was scared that people would think that I was a sore loser and feel pity for me. Sadness lead to a loss in confidence, because the sadder I got, the more I would cry and lose self esteem. When I was writing an essay in class about loneliness, everyone started telling me that I should be able to write a lot about loneliness since I have been lonely, and that I don't have any friends.
This made it even worse for me, and my confidence was on a down hill roll. Loneliness made me jealous of people who weren't lonely, it made me sad, and hence, made me lose my confidence. The more you try to run away from loneliness, the more you get absorbed by it. Loneliness comes like rain.
It can be stormy or mild, but eventually it fades away, leaving you with sunshine of friends that wipe out darkness. Al karim Shams y.