September 9, 2003 2: 00 am - I can't sleep, so I thought I would start this now. I feel like I have slept for hours. Think I will do the dishes and clean the dining room. (I am reasonably stress free and basically happy. I am a little annoyed that I am not able to sleep, but am doing something useful. ) 3: 10 am - Still not asleep.

Dishes are done. Dining room is clean. I have to get up in a few hours. I want to sleep! (Now, I am more annoyed that I cannot sleep. This makes me feel stressed now.

I will watch some TV to ease the stress and hopefully fall asleep. ) 6: 55 am - Guess I finally went to sleep! Now I am off to start the day! (Feeling rested, for now, and excited about the rest of my day. Hoping that I don't get too tired later. ) 8: 30 am - Got to a school council meeting by 7: 15. We discussed the closing of one of elementary schools in the area and the impact it will have on all the rest.

(This subject brings up stress for me because my children will be affected one way or the other. ) Drove home by 7: 45 in time to get breakfast for Sam and Logan, get shoes on Sam and get him out the door to school. As I am leaving, Macy arrives. Drive Sam to school, get gas, and come home. (I feel pretty good about what I have accomplished this morning. ) 9: 15 am - drive to my dr.

appointment. (stressed about having to talk to therapist about what is stressing me out! Doesn't make sense does it? ) 10: 00 am - I am sitting in the waiting room waiting for my appt. There are many people here waiting to see the doctor (psychiatrist) for med checks. They are very irate that he has scheduled them all at the same time. Just like a doctor! (I am amused and now looking forward to my therapy appt. ) 11: 00 am.

- Spent last hour talking about some of the things that could be keeping me awake at night. Logan is having trouble in school. My son being molested by his cousin and the impending trial. Just a few little things! (I always feel a sense of accomplishment when I leave therapy. I feel like it is my time for someone to listen to just me. I also feel as if I am trying to better myself.

) 12: 05 - Drove home from therapy. I got a migraine so I take my medication and lie down with Macy and my husband. 1: 00 - Macy woke up hungry. I made her bottle and fed her.

She isn't feeling well, so I don't get as many smiles as usual. I change her diaper and give her Tylenol. I hold her until she cries herself to sleep. (This makes me sad because I can do nothing to help this little helpless child. ) 2: 30 pm - I have now eaten lunch myself. I have changed another diaper and looked at my Kaplan email and assignments.

3: 30 pm - I have now picked up Logan and Sam from school. I spent half an hour in carpool lines and Sam was mad because I forgot his drink. He is just really tired from his day in kindergarten. He is also excited about his day and is telling me everything about it very loudly! Sometimes he seems so loud! Macy is crying, so it is time for another bottle. (This is when my day always gets stressful. When I have them all here and they all want something from me.

) 5: 45 pm - I fed Macy and got the boys their snacks. We look at homework and they have gotten on their taekwondo uniforms. (This is always rushed) I have fed and changed Macy and I have driven them to class. Sam's class is first, so Logan and I do his homework while we wait for his class.

Macy sleeps through this. 9: 00 pm - We did Sam's homework while Logan had class and Macy's mom came to get her at Taekwondo. The boys decided they wanted to go get Burger King and go over to Nana's to swim. We went to the restaurant drive-thru and then on to Nana's. (I feel pretty stressed about going there. I always keep my guard up around them.

) I helped Logan with the last of his homework and then let them get their suits on. The plan was to swim for an hour and then come home. At about the 45-minute mark, Papa decided to get in the pool with the boys, which is something that he never does. Now, we are staying for an extra hour. We watch Big Brother and let the kids swim and have a snack. I get them home and brush their teeth and send them to bed.

(This is later than I wanted, but the kids got to swim with their papa. I am happy for that. ) 11: 30 pm - I have watched some television and washed my face. Now I will go to sleep! (Thank goodness for sleep! ).