Angels Around Us Song: Remember Me This Way or I'll Remember It wasn't until I started to write this testimony that I realized that there are two special angels in my life. One in heaven and one on Earth. I had the general reasoning of any teenager: run to your closest friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, family, teachers for solutions to your problems, or for guidance, but that's not always so. Sure, some good friends and family are close enough to relate to, but it's the people that can read your face like a book that I am speaking of. The people that always bring a smile to your face even when you " re in your deepest turmoil. These are your angels.
Adam has been and always will be my angel. He was my salvation when I was weak, my shoulder to weep on, a joker, and an all around nice guy. If if it weren't for him I probably wouldn't have auditioned for Juilliard a few weeks back. I owe so much to him, but the biggest thanks I could ever give would be his persistent manner in getting me to audition for the drama plays. I have always had a passion for drama but didn't want to pursue it in St. Paul. I was so depressed about leaving all my friends behind at Whittier, that when I came here I didn't even give up -- I just didn't start at all.
It wasn't until my first week of school that I met Adam, the boy who smiled from ear to ear... Little did I know that he would be the best friend I would make at St. Paul, and the first to leave me behind. Over the next two years we had gotten incredibly close. We went out for weekends, celebrated his 15th birthday with Andrea and Crystal, and Miguel-his closest friends. We helped each other with our relationship problems, family problems, school mishaps... We were each other's alter egos when we went out.
We had a conversation over the Internet a week before he died. He was so mad that I hadn't auditioned for the musical that he forced me t join crew (which a few weeks previous I had). That night we were talking about all these pranks we would play on the cast and crew, and the cast party to be had, and all the fun... He told me about all the traditions that go on backstage and it was "going to be the best time", he said. He told me that I had to make it up to him, that in our junior year we would both go out for the fall play. He hadn't told anyone that he wanted to do that.
He really wasn't sure whether he was going to do drama or football... He wanted to do both but it just wasn't possible. So I promised to keep him happy. On April 23rd, the night of Sadie's, I don't' think anyone saw it coming, not even Adam, but it was that night that he was physically gone forever. That week, life as I knew it had ended and I was just lost. It was Adam who re-established my faith and got my agnostic self into church again.
It was Adam who got me to audition for Drama, and yay for me I succeeded in getting lead roles. It was Adam who inspired me Freshmen year to take on the Leadership class, and it was Adam who opened me up and got me to wear colors instead of black all the time. Life was a burnt out candle before Adam stepped into my life, and for the short period that I had him on Earth, life was bright again. I didn't know how hard it would be without him. I didn't realize that I had to prepare myself for tragedy. I didn't know how dark the sunniest April afternoon could be.
How sad a comedy musical could seem. Or how solemn school could sound after he departed for Home. I know that Adam still watches over me each day. In fact, this is the second time I'm writing out this testimony because my original has mysteriously disappeared...
There isn't a day that my heart doesn't find him, whether it be on Whittier Blvd, the way we drove home; the tables at Rocky's where we ate and lamented over our worries; school sections of the quad and classrooms where we played poker... Adam has looked out for me on the road, during auditions, and calmed me through my storms of rage and stress. Sometimes a song will come on that we sang together or he sang to me and that's my signal that he's around and says hi. It's a great feeling to have someone in a higher position watch over you from above.
But it's somehow more comforting to have an angel on earth as well. I didn't really get close to my angel until after Adam died. We had a few classes together and deciphered Shakespearean poems in small groups, but we had never really had a conversation before. It wasn't until Adam died that our class came together as one. And it wasn't until Junior retreat that my Earth Angel was revealed to me.
It was over a tear-jerking activity that left me (the one who rarely ever cried) a mess. And it was my angel who came over and gave me a hug and a smile. Something clicked in that moment and our relationship changed since. Like I said, I had always thought that angels could be anyone. Friends, family... but it's not always so. This person is the last I would have ever considered to be angelic.
In fact I was kind of confused about him during Freshmen year. He rarely talked, rarely smiled, and just seemed sort of intimidating. Junior year came and went, and we got closer. If I was ever upset in class, my angel would know exactly how to cheer me up. He always knew what was wrong and on some level could relate.
I don't know how we became so close, exactly, but it happened just the same. Almost overnight. We were and are so different yet always found a way to share familiarity in our woes. We had similar problems and talking to him was like talking to Adam again. I guess we both came to each other's aid.
We had lost one of our best friends, and only had each other to cling to. Then this year, I only had him for one class and I was devastated. In leadership, we went on a retreat and for some reason I just had to break down again. Everyone cared enough to give me a hug, and I was so grateful for their love but I still felt empty, still lonely. I wiped my eyes and cleared my thoughts for a moment and then my angel walked me outside. Then, naturally, the waterworks started again simultaneously and I dropped to the floor outside the lodge.
He wrapped me in a hug and wouldn't let go as others passes us by. It was almost as though Adam were with he and I at that moment. Three good friends together again... but of all the people on retreat, it was my Earth Angel that refused to let me go. I assured him I was okay, but like Adam he was persistent, and walked me back to my room.
That was another signifying moment of how much he meant to me. Sometimes I call him my brother only because he looks out for me like the dominant macho guy that he is. It's nice to have someone to relate to, but in this angel I find a person who is willing to trust me, and I him. I helped him shop for his homecoming outfit this year -- and never has he looked so snazzy!
But mostly, I love having someone around who will just pull up a chair if I'm sitting all alone, or use his demented sense of humor to cheer me up, or regale stories with movie quotes. It's comforting to have someone so close... We have gotten closer since then, which is strange because we don't go out nearly as much as Adam and I did, but it's worked out just the same. My angel in Heaven is Adam, and my angel on Earth is Matt. Without either of them I really don't know where I would be today. There isn't a day that passes by where I don't whisper their name at prayer each morning, and there isn't a day that my heart doesn't find them physically and spiritually.