Beth The Pig Once Upon A Time example essay topic

Beth the Pig Once-upon-a-time, there was a farmer named Phildo, who owned a pig. The pig's name was Beth, and she weighed about twelve hundred pounds. Phildo was very proud of her. Everywhere he went Beth was right there behind him. People passing him along the sidewalk would say good morning and comment on how hippo-like Beth.

Phildo would smile and raise his hat good morning. By the time of the spring fair, she weighed in at slightly over one thousand, five hundred pounds. When word spread that there was a pig at the spring fair that weighed one thousand pounds, people came from all over the tri-state area. Someone even gave Phildo a dozen peaches and some Wolfschmidt vodka for the right to sell Beth T-shirts and baseball caps.

Wolfschmidt's and peaches were what Phildo loved. That is, more than women anyway. Crowds gathered in front of her pen. People pointed cameras and flashes at her. On the third day of the fair, a television crew came down to do a story for the five o'clock news. Phildo couldn't have been happier.

Even after the fair was over, and Beth was in her own pen, the people still drove up every morning to see Beth and have their picture taken with her. Every day she seemed to get bigger and bigger. News crews camped outside Phildo house so they could give up to the minute coverage on the ever-growing pig. One of the news crews arranged to have a scale brought down so they could weigh her. One day a group of government officials came by to see the pig.

They took blood samples, soil samples, and even air samples. They asked Phildo all sorts of questions. How old was she? Why was her head so big? Who did she eat? Phildo answered, "I grave not to answer these questions, just give me my vodka and get out of my face!" The next day the government officials declared the area of Phildo farm to be off limits to the public.

The crowds were restrained at the entrance to the driveway. There were scientists all over the farm taking measurements, while men in dark suits with sunglasses sat in the kitchen asking Phildo the same questions over and over, and asking if there was something, that explain this tremendous growth of fat Beth the pig. Helicopters landed from time to time, and people with walkie-talkies got out and gave orders to the other anonymous government officials. Soldiers patrolled the area to keep unauthorized people away from the area. For days, these anonymous soldiers, scientists and government officials hurried frantically around, and Beth grew larger and larger. She began to grow not only wider and wider, but also taller and taller.

She grew until she was taller than the trees, until she could look down and see the crowds that had formed on the edge of the restricted area. At this point Phildo thought to himself, "She's damn near as big as my ex-wife!" Phildo then had a brainstorm. Knowing that his town, Iaconelliville, has been in a famine for the past few years, Beth had to go down in a blaze of glory. Phildo had to come up with a good idea to kill Beth and eat her because she was very smart.

I mean she could use a tarp for a baseball field for Kleenex. The town then got together and came up with an excellent idea to blow up the pig. They would make a huge hot dog for Beth to eat. The tricky part was that this hot dog wasn't a hot dog at all. It was a stick of dynamite that could blow up a town, a country, or even a twenty-five thousand pound pig. Beth ate the hot dog, and she blew up into a million pieces.

The town was so happy that they had gotten rid of this big nuisance. The town of Iaconelliville had enough to eat for the next 20 years. Oh what a happy time that was!