Brother John And The Chief Priest essay example

1,858 words
Thank God for our military A Soldier, a Sailor an Airman and a Marine got into an argument about which service was the greatest. The arguing became so heated that they eventually ended up killing each other. Soon, they found themselves at the Pearly Gates of Heaven They meet St Peter and decided that only he would be the ultimate source of truth and honesty, so they os ked him: 'St Peter which branch of the American Armed Forces is the best?' St. Peter instantly replied: 'I can't answer that. But I will ask God what he thinks next time I see him. Some time later, the four saw St. Peter again and reminded him of the question and asked if he was able to get an answer. Suddenly a sparkling white dove landed on St. Peter's shoulder.

In the dove's beak is a note guided with gold dust. St. Peter says to the four men, 'Your answer from the Boss. Let's see what he says. ' St. Peter opens the note. Trumpets blare and gold dust drifts into the air.

Harps play crescendos and St. Peter begins to read the note aloud to the four young men: MEMORANDUM TO SOLDIERS, SAILORS, AIRMEN AND MARINES SUBJECT: Best branch of the United States Armed Services Gentlemen, All the branches of the Armed Services are Honorable and Noble. Being a member of the Armed Forces represents a special calling warranting special respect, tribute and dedication. Each of you has served his country well, with distinction, and beyond the call of duty. Be proud of what you have accomplished. very respectfully, GOD United States Air Force (Retired) I want to be like Jesus After dinner, a six- and a four-year-old were fighting over who would get the last cookie.

Back and forth they went, 'GIMME!' 'NO, IT'S MINE!' Finally, the dad said, 'Paul and John, listen to me. If Jesus were in this situation, he would say to the other one, 'You take the last cookie, because I love you'. ' The older one thought about it, then responded, 'O.K. John, you be Jesus. ' Oh-ManA man was stranded on the proverbial deserted Pacific island for years.

Finally, one day, a boat comes sailing into view, and the man frantically waves and draws the skipper's attention. The boat comes near the island and the sailor gets out and greets the stranded man. After a while the sailor notices three huts and asks if there is anyone else on the island. 'No', reply's the man. 'Well, what are those three huts you have here?' 'Well, that's my house there.

' 'What's that next hut?' asks the sailor. ' I built that hut to be my church. ' 'What about the other hut?' 'Oh, that's where I used to go to church. ' For those who died in the Service man was having real discipline problems with his 5-year-old son. During the evening service, the little boy would fidget, tear pages out of the hymnal, and make noises.

The father said, 'If you don't settle down, I'll take you out for a spanking. ' The boy continued to hum and squeal like a pig. His father took him out for a spanking. Upon their return, the boy picked up a hymnal a threw it at his dad. Promptly, he was taken out for another spanking.

Upon returning, he kicked the pew in front of him. Out he went for another spanking. Finally, the pastor dismissed the church and the family started home. As they went through the vestibule, the boy asked, 'Daddy, what's that plaque say?' 'It says: 'Dedicated to all the men who have died in the Service'. ' 'Oh,' said the little boy, as he thought about it a minute. 'Daddy,' he asked, 'Was that the morning or the evening service?' I Didn't Mean it that Way (from church bulletins... but not ours) Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.

Come to the Thursday Night Potluck dinner - Prayer and medication to follow. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery. The rose on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer. This afternoon there will be a meeting at the north and the south ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

This Easter we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter. The service will close with 'Little Drops of Water. ' The ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in. Next Sunday we will have a special offering to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet can come forward and do so. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

A bean supper will be held in the fellowship hall. Music will follow. The sermon topic for tonight is 'What is Hell?' Come early and listen to the our choir practice! Missionary Miss Wanda Belch is on furlough from her work in Africa. Come tonight at 6: 30 to hear Wanda belch all the way from Africa.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use the large double door at the side entrance. The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin will sing a duet, 'The Lord Knows Why. ' Notice regarding our church cemetery: Please do not remove flowers from any graves except your own. Men's Prayer Breakfast.

No charge, but your damnation will be gratefully accepted. First Baptist - A caring church that loves hurting people. Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to the church secretary. The associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge, Up Yours!' The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's 'Hamlet' in the church basement on Friday at 7 pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8: 30 pm. Please use the back door.

In the church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD! Dr. Hargreaves is better. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person (s) you want remembered. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

A Christmas CarolA mother took her three-year-old daughter for the first time to a Christmas Eve service. The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. An awed hush fell over the congregation. Just then the little one started to sing in a very loud voice 'Happy Birthday to you... ' It's a Hard Job After the service, a 6-year-old boy asked his father what the preacher did for the rest of the week. 'Oh, he's a very busy man,' the father replied.

'He takes care of church business, visits the sick, ministers to the poor... and then he has to have some time to rest up. Talking in public isn't an easy job, you know. ' The boy thought about that, then said, 'Well, listening ain't very easy, either. ' A Bird in the HandA father was at the beach with his children when the four-year old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. 'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked. 'He died and went to Heaven,' the dad replied.

The boy thought a moment and then said, 'Did God throw him back?' Alms for the Poor After the church service a little boy told the pastor, 'When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money. ' 'Well, thank you,' the pastor replied, 'but why?' 'Because my daddy says you " re the poorest preacher we " ve ever had. ' Knock, Knock The pastor was walking through the neighborhood when he saw a three-year-old obviously having trouble reaching the doorbell of a house. The pastor walked up and said, 'Could I help you?', to which the three-year-old replied, 'Could you wing the doorbell?' He replied 'Surely,' and gave it a press. Then the three-year-old yelled with glee, 'NOW, WUN LIKE THE DICKENS!' Code of Silence Brother John entered the 'Monastery of Silence' and the Chief Priest said, 'Brother, this is a silent monastery, you are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so. ' Brother John lived in the monastery for a full year before the Chief Priest said to him: 'Brother John, you have been here a year now, you may speak two words.

' Brother John said, 'Hard Bed. ' 'I'm sorry to hear that' the Chief Priest said. 'We will get you a better bed. ' The next year, Brother John was called by the Chief Priest. 'You may say another two words Brother John. ' 'Cold Food. ' said Brother John, and the Chief Priest assured him that the food would be better in the future.

On his third anniversary at the monastery, the Chief Priest again called Brother John into his office. 'Two words you may say today. ' 'I Quit. ' said Brother John. 'It is probably for the best. ' said the Chief Priest. 'All you have done since you got here is complain. '.