Children Of Divorce example essay topic

Divorce has many effects on many different people. It is a common misconception that divorce is for the "good" of the children. When in fact divorce takes quite a toll on children of all ages, races, and sex. An average of approximately 36,252 children in Canada are involved in divorces, which is not a very low statistic. As well single - parent families account for 46% of children living n poverty. Divorce affects children educationally psychologically and emotionally.

Although divorce can make for a calmer environment in the long run, it can also cause a lot of stress on the adult and child in the beginning. Children have a tendency to blame themselves for the divorce and those who don't blame either the mother or father for causing their devastation. Males and females have different emotional side effects and it is very hard to determine what type of effects divorce has on them because many studies have conflicting information, some say mates become more aggressive, but others show mates are not affected at all. Studies on females show they become depressed, and distracted. "Problems seen in children of divorce are due to the parents psychological problems". Out of 60 divorced couples in counseling, one third had adequate mental health, 1/2 of men and almost 1/2 of females are moderately disturbed or are incapacitated by a disabling neurosis or addiction i.e. ; chronic depression, suicidal tendencies and difficulty controlling rage.

15% of men and 20% of females have severe mental illnesses. Researches have shown that many children from these families have trouble in school and struggle with anger and sorrow. Although some studies show that divorce ahs no effect on children, it will inevitably have some sore of effect, it may not be long term, but it will leave some sort of effect which could be very devastating. Divorce has different effects on children of different ages e.g. : Preschoolers may: Become clingy Have an increase in tantrums Cry more easily Have regressive behavior... Thumb sucking, baby talk Wet the bed more often... This shows distress, anxiety or anger. "somatize" or develop a physical complaints about headaches or nausea.

School-age Children may: Have similar signs as preschoolers. Show anger, worry or sadness. Act as though they "don't care". Have a tendency to deny divorce. Believe they are the ones that caused a divorce. Act "Extra Good" in hopes that the parents will get back together.

Become blaming and opposing towards one or both parents i.e. losing or droppings things intentionally. Teenagers may: Show distress by "acting out" i.e. running away, truancy, suspension, fighting, and trouble with the law, drug and alcohol abuse, and promiscuity. Become depressed, let marks slip, change in eating or sleeping patterns, even develop suicidal tendencies, which are to be taken seriously. Some things which may prevent this type of behavior are; if parents are open and honest with their children, if they are parents, spend as much quality time with them as positive, if parents encourage to spend time with the other parent as well, and not show anger towards one another when the child is around. "What matters most for the child's well being is that they have uncomplicated closeness to both parents. What causes children to feel disturbed wis when they are in the position of feeling, "if I love my mommy, I will hurt my daddy", and "if I love my daddy, I will hurt my mommy?

It is also not good to make the child feel as though he or she has to pick a side, this in all reality could be one of the worst things for a child because they feel torn between the two parents and find it very difficult to chose. Parents should realize that being fully open and honest with them also children and parents that are honest with each other form a closer bond then children who are not honest with their parents. Honesty becomes very important in the teenage years with respect to parties, drinking and relationships, "if a teen can't trust or her own parents who is she or he going to talk too?" If they are allowed uncomplicated closeness to each parent and if they are allowed to speak about their pain and go through it, they will get over it". Some people may believe that hiding the fights or problems is better than being honest, but all the lies have a tendency to cause more pain frustrations and awkwardness because those are the people children are supposed to rely on and be able to trust. Problems in and around the divorce have a direct impact on children, especially when it isn't expected, unexpected divorce may slow down the amount of time it takes a child dwells on a divorce, the less time they spend enjoying their childhood. A shocking divorce causes crisis in lives of children, as well they often become depressed.

Many divorces tend to effect children's education because they are usually moved into a different district after parents are divorced, it is hard for children to adept to new environment and after divorce it is even more difficult to except change. Some children do not want eat, may have some problems sleeping, choose interest in their schoolwork and may not want to play; these children tend to mope around a lot. They also have a tendency to miss the things they used to do with their missing parent. In a study it was shown that males and females have different changes in behavior. Divorce is more common in younger couples especially within the first few years of marriage therefore young children are the victims, but in these cases the younger the child is the better as long as there isn't a whole lot of trouble in later years, or bitterness. Because the child is so young once they grow up they won't remember what it was like to have their parents living together.

They are happier with their parents apart because that is all they have ever known. To alleviate the initial pain of the divorce from the children, parents must stress that is not their fault. "Aren't I good enough for my daddy to want to live with me?" They don't think parents want to leave each other. They feel they themselves are left.

They feel inadequate and abandoned. Parents must also spend as much time as possible with their children especially the father. Children need a father figure growing up. Children also tend to cling to their original family. "It is the foundation of their identity. They have feelings of life and death about being close to them.

The child's worst fear is about losing connection to a parent". There are also some beneficial aspects to divorce. Even though divorce can be painful in the beginning, but it creates a much better environment in the end. It also helps parents make time for their children, because now that they can always see their child, they make the most of their experiences. Children who's parents usually mother gains soul custody have to be very careful about how they treat the other in the child's presence, as well they should allow the other parent to visit and spend time with his or her child.

The more part in the child's life the missing parent has the better. Some important statistics - Divorce has increased from the 60's where one sixth of marriages ended in divorce to present divorce where half of marriages end in divorce. - Approximately 60% of divorces involve children under the age of 18. - Approximately 70% of children born this year will eventually live in a single parent family for a part of their childhood or adolescence. - In 60% of custody battles women receive custody, 30% it is joint custody and only 10% of males win custody battles. - Single parent families' account of 46% of children living in poverty.

- In 1996 10% of families were that of single parent. - - In 1995 32% of children living in single parent homes had behavioral problems. - In 1999 4% of males and 5% of females were divorced. Although divorce may seem like the "better alternative" divorce cause many problems and should not always be the solution to family problems, there is counseling and many other solutions to look into before automatically switching to divorce.

Divorce is more harmful then counseling as well. As was discussed in this essay there are many educational, psychological and emotional effects on children of divorce or single parent families. The best solution to all this pain is to be open and honest with children as well as try to seek out help divorce should be a last resort.

Bibliography

Rhona Mahony "Divorce, non traditional families, and its consequences for children". (3/23/01) Alan Frankel L.C.S.W". Divorce: How will it affect the kid" (3/28/01) Jess alyn Randall "Divorce not necessarily negative for all children" (3/28/01) "In the aftermath of a divorce" The Globe and Mail (3/28/01) Benjamin Schlesinger "4 C Children and Divorce" (Toronto: McGraw-Hill Ryerson Limited, 1979) p.
41) Richard Gardner MD, "The Boys and Girls Book about Divorce". (Toronto: Bantam Books, 1980) p.