Children Of The Divorced Couples example essay topic

Marriage is the foundation in which families are built upon. With more people opting for divorce and even more people cohabit ating the family foundation is being weakened. "Not so long ago marital relationships consisted of three elements: an economic bond of mutual dependency; a social bond supported by the extended family and larger community; and a spiritual bond upheld by religious doctrine, observance and faith". With the disappearance of these elements, most couples enter into marriage with the hope that it will last forever but achieving this goal without them has become a more difficult feat.

Although, the divorce rate has slowed down and leveled off, almost half of all marriages will end in divorce or separation. Divorce Statistics About one million U.S. marriages are expected to end in divorce in 2001. Here are some other divorce statistics: Divorce rate for Americans (1999) 4.1 per 1,000 Lowest Divorce Rate: Massachusetts 2.4 per 1,000 Highest Divorce Rate: Nevada, 9.0 per 1,000 Median Marriage Longevity: 7.2 years Chances a new marriage will end in divorce: 43% Some couples that divorce are choosing to cohabit ate rather than face another devastating and painful divorce. There are a lot of extenuating circumstances that cause the break S Spaulding 2 down of a marriage such as; poor communication skills, avoidance and infidelity and the effects of can be devastating to each individual in the family especially the children.

Communication, the most common cause of divorce, is one of the basic keys needed to establish and sustain any relationship but it is vital to a marriage. "Poor communication is the most common complaint (68%) among couples seeking counseling". When women are unhappy in a marriage they generally voice their disenchantment and the men may view these as complaints as nagging causing some to shut down and stop listening. This withdrawal in turn sometimes makes the woman even angrier than before. Now, what may have been a small situation can escalate into a negative exchange that maybe regretted later and not easily taken back. Some couple will use past mistakes and failings to hurt each other.

Over time, these escalated conversation start to wear down the marriage and eventually the threats to end the marriage become a welcome resolution. Sometimes, when the communication has crumbled between two married people, it's because one or both partners would prefer to avoid what they might perceive to be a negative discussion. Another cause of divorce is avoidance of discussions. Couples who tend to avoid issues in the beginning of their marriage eventually experience poor communication because of fear of causing an argument during what is supposed to be the blissful honeymoon time. Subsequently, avoidance can become a pattern throughout the marriage until one partner has had enough.

In most relationships women are typically the purser of a discussion and generally the men are the ones who avoid and withdraw from discussions. When the men shut down and stop listening the women tend to see this avoidance and withdrawal as the partner not caring about them or what they think. On the other hand, some men withdraw to avoid what they fear may happen once the S Spaulding 3 discussion has escalated. These relationships are weakened by either one or both partners' inability to resolve conflict. Sometimes, when communications breakdown partners start to look for some else to provide them an ear. An additional cause for divorce is infidelity.

Infidelity puts a strain on trust; the very fiber that holds a marriage together. Generally, when one or both spouse's needs aren't being met they can become vulnerable to infidelity and sometimes this is due to poor communication. "Even though surveys vary greatly in their estimate of infidelity (from 25% to 70% of partners), the Kinsey Institute estimates that about 35% of husbands and 30% of wives have been unfaithful". The spouse that discovers their partner has been unfaithful is left feeling depressed, hurt, betrayed, and angry. Although, infidelity doesn't always have to mean that the love is gone in the marriage, however, it does mean there is some underlying problem that needs to be addressed. The trust that is shattered with infidelity may take years to repair but takes a commitment from both spouses.

With counseling, some of these couples may learn to forgive and move on to a better relationship but 1/3 will end in divorce. The negative effects of divorce can be detrimental for the entire family. The adults involve sometimes experience depression and anxiety. They spend years trying to recover from the pain and loss of their divorce. "Ten years later 40-50% of women and 30-40% of men remain angry at the former spouse and felt rejected and exploited". Once one of the spouses leaves the home, the income of some families drops significantly.

"Almost 50 percent of households with children undergoing divorce move into poverty following the divorce. Some 40 percent S Spaulding 4 of families on AFDC are divorced or separated single-parent households". This may result in having to move the family to another affordable home and having to leave the support of friends. However, the children of the divorced couples suffer the greatest pain.

The degree of emotional distress that the children experience depends largely on how the parents handle their conflict. A lot of children end up afraid of the fighting and may blame themselves for their parent's conflict. They are very concerned about being abandoned and feel responsible when one of the parents eventually leaves the home. The relationship with the absent parent is sometimes strained and can deteriorate. Studies show that boys tend to express their anger by lashing outwardly and displaying aggressive behavior. Girls tend to internalize their frustrations, experiencing depression and suffer stomach problems.

Some children's children capacity to lean, achieve and handle conflict is hindered by divorce. "Social science research is showing that the effects of divorce continue into adulthood and affect the next generation of children as well". The causes of divorce are numerous; poor communication, avoidance and infidelity are only a few of the problems that married couples face today. Evidence clearly demonstrates the lasting effects of divorce on both the parents and especially the innocent children. Because some parents never learn to resolve issues, this legacy can be past down from generation to generations unless something is done to stop the trend.

We, as a country, need to set up programs to educate couples before they enter into marriage the effective ways to communicate. And we need to encourage couples to sit down before they get married and discuss their expectations of marriage, which are S Spaulding 5 sometimes unrealistic. We need programs for children when they are young that will show them how to communicate effectively to one another and resolve issues without violence. It would also be beneficial for children to be able to express their emotions with one another when their family is going through divorce to let them know their not alone.

When a divorce is inevitable, couples should be required to get counseling so that they are aware of the impact that divorce has on all the family members. The counseling needs to definitely include what to say to the children about the pending divorce and what not to say about the other partner. Divorce is almost never a happy situation but it doesn't have to have the impact that it does on our children, our future.