Difference In Communication Styles example essay topic

Have you ever noticed the variations in the way men and women communicate? "It's one of the mysteries of life why men and women, speaking the same language, have difficulty communicating with each other " (Balanced Living, 1992). There has been a great deal of study and research in this area of communications. Such study prompted Dr. John Gray to write, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". This book studies and helps the reader to understand differences in the way the genders communicate, and offers advice for interpreting the language spoken by the opposite sex. When one considers that relationships take place outside the home, it is important to look at the ways men and women communicate differently in the workplace and how these communication issues impact their effectiveness in management and the way they are perceived by their supervisors and employees.

According to author, John Gray, in his subsequent book, Mars & Venus in the Workplace: Nowhere in the workplace do our differences show up more dramatically than in the area of communication. Not only are men and women from different planets, speaking different languages, but they don't realize it; they think they are speaking the same language. Although the words are the same the meaning can be completely different. The same expression can easily have a different connotation or emotional emphasis. Misinterpretation is so common and consistent that eventually we develop limiting perspectives of each other (Gray, 2002) Dr. Gray further explains how this communication difference causes men and women to form incorrect assumptions about each other, thus restricting their ability to trust the other (Gray, 2002). Because of the preconceived notions of men being strong and dependable and women being submissive and emotional, employers and employees come to expect certain communication behaviors of each of the sexes.

"All employees want bosses who are knowledgeable, competent and attentive. The problem arises when those three attributes don't mean the same thing to all the bosses and all the employees" (Moon, 2002). As a result of this difference in communication styles, female bosses who try to be assertive are called "bossy". Meanwhile, men who use the same strategies are called "strong team builders."Since men are more likely to possess masculine characteristics and women are more likely to possess feminine characteristics, men are more likely to rise to leadership positions" (Nelson & Pearson, 2000). Where did this breakdown in communication begin? What could be the roots of such communication differences between the genders?

Research has shown that from childhood, men and women are taught to communicate differently. While girls are taught to be pretty and nice, boys are taught it is okay to be noisy and aggressive. This is clearly demonstrated in the way children play with their toys. When girls play with dolls and tea sets, they engage themselves and their toys in conversation. This is the beginning of her relationship building. Conversely, when boys play with their action figures and cars, inevitably there will be a car crash, or the Spiderman and G.I. Joe figures will have a fight.

"In the male world, some one is always one up and someone is always is always one down. Competition defines your place. For men, language creates independence. Young girls tend to play non-competitive games.

Even when there is competition between them it is not the essence of the game; it isn't terribly important who wins and who loses. Their focus is on the connection. Often they don't even keep score" (Balanced Living, 1992). In the workplace, men tend to be task-oriented and women are relationship oriented. Men use communication to solve problems or complete tasks. At the same time, while women use communication to build relationships and create intimacy.

"Men tend to be more assertive than women" (Moon, 2002). "For example, a woman may ask an employee how a report is coming and ask when it will be completed. A man will ask outright when the report will be done and if the deadline will be met" (Moon. 2002). Men and women prefer to receive information differently, as well. "For instance, most men prefer that a message be backed by facts and follow a logical progression...

Women, however are more conceptual... the topic can hopscotch, go in one direction, go in another and then go on several tangents before returning to the original point" (Lodholm, 2001). As communication involves perception, it is also important to look at how the communication differences between men and women affects the way these two groups are viewed in the workplace. In Deborah Tannen's, 1990 book, "You Just Don't Understand", she stated, "Women at work often have different ways of creating authority in the way they talk, and their styles can be misinterpreted as a lack of confidence or as a lack of competence". On the contrary, men are viewed as competent when they are able to single-handedly solve problems quickly. "Men who are perceived as competent by other men will use the least number of words necessary to make a point" (Gray, 2002). While women are just as capable of solving problems as men, it is the difference in communication style that makes the impression.

Women will ask for the input and encourage discussion around a topic before submitting a decision. To a man, this "gathering of support" makes the woman appear incompetent or to lack confidence. How do we bridge the communication gap between men and women in the workplace? A large portion of the solution lies in broader awareness and understanding of each other's differences. (Sanders, 1996) Men and women must reinforce the willingness to communicate differently.

Hunting for the entire picture heightens communication to be more meaningful, productive, and concrete. Men and women should motivate themselves to become aware of their own communication habits. They should also become knowledgeable in the opposite sex language and communication habits. Being aware of the listening style differences in the opposite sex is another solution.

Women listen attentively with direct eye contact, nodding and vocalizing which men often misconstrue to mean they are in agreement. (Trivers, 2002) Men's nodding typically means they are in agreement. Asking questions, repeating information and providing their own thoughts will assist in the perception men have on women's listening skills. Men need to realize that listening is not a status, they can benefit from the relationship building that happens through listening.

Without judging, men and women should assess the differences in their communication styles. If a man perceives a woman as being vague and apologetic, he should recognize this as a different communication style and not assume she is being inarticulate. Choose techniques for action or response. After listening carefully and assessing differences, make adaptations to improve communication. (HR Focus) Men and women ought to open their minds to the idea of communicating differently.

What we have found is that even though men and women speak the same language, they have different ways of communicating. Women tend to have a softer approach, while men are more straightforward. The different ways they communicate can be interpreted in many ways by the different genders with whom they communicate. In the workplace, if a woman gathers input from others, the men can perceive her as incompetent. Instead of realizing she wanted a comprehensive survey of the situation. On the other hand, if a man did the same thing in the workplace, his co-workers would think he had persevered until he had all of the facts before making a decision.

Men and women communicate differently in the workplace with different consequences. Women are more vulnerable to this, because if they are assertive they could be considered relentless. So, it could be detrimental to their careers. Men, however using the same actions would be considered "great leaders". Men are predominantly in positions of power due to the differences in communications and how we are perceived. Bridging the communication gap is just one of the steps in the solution to resolve the problem with communication between men and women in the workplace.

Once we recognize that there are communication diversities and understand them, we can learn to bridge this gap.

Bibliography

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Reprinted from the June 2002 issue of Signature Service with permission form the Society for Service Professionals in Printing, Alexandria, VA.
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