Divorce Programs example essay topic

What Happened to Ward and June Cleaver? Single parent homes, broken families, and divorce are rampant in today's society. Marriage is no longer the revered union that it once was. Divorce is clearly on the rise since the days of yesteryear that depicted happy families in the favorable image of Ward and June Cleaver. Unlike the June Cleaver's of days gone by, the women of today now busily juggle careers, family and household responsibilities, and play the role of "soccer mom" among many other things.

Now that June is swept away with her many responsibilities, together with her earning capacity, reduces her need to rely on Ward ultimately making it easier, and more likely, that their children, Wally and Beaver will become the unfortunate products of a broken home and divorce. Rather than dealing with so many divorces and trying to battle the issue of broken homes from the back end where the damage is irreparable, why not attempt preventative measures instead? According to the Council on Families In America, "for the average American, the probability that a marriage taking place today will end in divorce or permanent separation is calculated to be a staggering 60% and more than half of divorcing couples have children under the age of 18. The odds that a child today will witness the divorce of their parents, is twice as great as a generation ago, with as many as half of all children likely to experience a parental divorce before they leave home".

Many states, now concerned with the rise in numbers of broken homes and divorce rates, have decided to take measures to reduce this epidemic by implementing mandatory waiting periods when obtaining a marriage license, and mandating programs and educational seminars similar to post-divorce programs now enforced by almost every court systems across the nation. The controversy, however, lies in the argument from critics that restricting couples from marriage or imposing fines or penalties is unjust. Jennifer Daw, a therapist with the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy quoted an article from USA Today wherein opponents argued that, "divorce regulations or restrictions would create messier divorces, not prevent them and tougher restrictions on divorce could endanger women in abusive marriages". People were once required to negotiate in divorce. The "No Fault Divorce" has changed that and takes the grounds for negotiation away from the unwilling spouse. This, in all actuality, means the one leaving can take half the assets, even if guilty of adultery.

Still, they believe that divorce is a natural liberty and a personal choice as a means to deal with unhappy or contentious marriages and family disharmony. Conversely, this line of thinking denotes how selfish and egoistic our society has become. This system of "me first" mentality placing such high values on "individuality" and unrestricted liberties comes at a great cost. Our selfishness and need for this instant gratification should never take precedence over our obligations as parents to our children. So, rather than dealing with the broken families, perhaps we need to take a more active role in supporting the preventative measures. As the proverbial saying goes, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure".

Jennifer Daw, in her article entitled "Saving Marriages: How to do it?" found that, "several states have implemented mandatory premarital counseling laws, community marriage covenants and extended waiting periods for obtaining marriage licenses. At least ten states (at the time of this writing) have proposed requiring premarital counseling to aid in reducing divorce rates". Some states also impose penalties and fines on couples who do not attend the mandatory premarital counseling. As these programs become more and more popular and as news of the success stories and increasing rates of the decline in divorce associated with these programs increases, the number of states participating in these programs is expected to increase as well. These mandated programs and educational seminars address and focus on important life issues such as religion, birth control, finances, role expectations, child rearing, priorities, conflict resolution, housework, extracurricular activities, values, and intimacy before a marriage license is granted. Mike McManus, a syndicated columnist and founder of Marriage Savers, also leading the crusade for premarital programs stated, "It is our responsibility to set minimum requirements to raise the quality of commitment in those we [chose to] marry.

We believe that couples who seriously participate in premarital testing and counseling will have a better understanding of what the marriage commitment involves". He and many Catholic, Protestant and Jewish clergy agreed to test marriage preparation programs for a minimum of four months asking couples to participate in premarital inventories and counseling programs to discuss important life issues and open up the channels of communication. McManus adds regarding the results of the inventories", [they] can predict with 80% accuracy who is likely to divorce. A tenth of couples who take this step break their engagement". While this may sound harsh, he continues, "studies show that those who do [break engagements] and have the same scores as those who marry anyway, later divorce. Thus, they [who break engagements] are avoiding a bad marriage before it has begun".

Additionally, these programs also have older, solidly married "mentor couples" who have been through the program to assist the younger couples as they prepare for marriage, and walk them through the early stages of their marriage and later conflicts. They found the couples who mentored others often built stronger bonds with the younger couples where therapists or counselors could not. Astonishingly, McManus adds, "the results of community marriage policies are extraordinary. In Modesto, California, the divorce rate dropped over 40% between 1986 and 1996.

Other [participating] cities cite reductions in the number of divorces as well. Peoria, Illinois experienced an 18.6% drop from 1991-1995; Montgomery, Alabama dropped by 12% from 1993-1995, and Albany, Georgia had similar reductions of 11.5% from 1993-1995". Divorce, of course, has its place, when circumstances are so extreme that it is indeed warranted, such as cases of genuine abuse of the spouse or children, adultery or desertion. However, in this age of instant gratification, married people give up too easily when faced with life's traumas, trials and tribulations, which in all actuality, are the ties that bind and build the long-lasting, forever kind of relationships that many of our ancestors had. Too often people rush into marriage and neglect the process of building the relationship and taking the time to communicate with each other, those areas of their lives that are most important, intimate, and crucial. With the breaking down of religious upbringing, and as moral values in our society decline, the trend of broken families, sadly, continues to increase.

The decreasing influence of religion today has contributed to the weakening of the social influence associated with divorce making it more commonly accepted in our culture. Our children have little or no understanding of what marriage was intended to be, and they, ultimately and unfortunately, pay the highest price for our egoistic decisions. Jennifer Daw quoted from The National Center for Health Statistics that, "children living with single parents are more likely to be in fair or poor health". Furthermore, Robert L. Plunkett, vice dean of the Southern California Institute of Law at the University of LaVerne School of Law, reports that "children from single-parent families are more than five times as likely to live in poverty, nearly twice as likely to need psychological help, and two and half times as likely to drop out of school, get pregnant before marriage, abuse drugs, and commit crimes as are children from intact families" So, what did actually happen to Ward and June Cleaver? They got hung up in society's lax attitude and acceptance of divorce as the norm, and lost sight of family values and moral upbringing. They are no longer the picture perfect family exuding happiness and tranquility.

And let us backtrack to the original question, "Rather than dealing with so many divorces and trying to battle the issue of broken homes from the back end where the damage is irreparable, why not attempt preventative measures instead?" The argument that restricting couples from marriage or imposing mandatory premarital counseling is unjust - is a defective argument, at best. Implementing these precautions and preventative measures is merely common sense. Why should we, as an educated society, encourage divorce and broken homes, when we could instead promote programs to encourage healthy, productive marriages? Good marriages do not just happen. They are cultivated over time, and begin with a conscious decision between two people who understand each other and are willing to make the vow and bring their dreams and commitment to fruition. The information learned about each other during these premarital programs coupled with the doors of communication that are opened during this process only help to establish the friendship and respect that are vital to building a successful and lasting relationship.

Could we not all benefit from better, healthier, everlasting relationships fostered by good-old fashioned communication?

Bibliography

Council on Families in America. 'Divorce Harms Society. ' Marriage and Divorce. Eds. Tamara L. Roleff and Mary E. Williams. Current Controversies Series. Greenhaven Press, 1997.
Excerpted from "Marriage in America: A Report to the Nation by the Council on Families in America", March 1995.
Rpt. by permission of the Institute for Family Values. Opposing Viewpoints Resource Center. Thompson Gale. 15 June 2005.
Daw, Jennifer. "Saving Marriages: How to do it?" American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. 16 June 2005.
16 June 2005.
McManus, Mike. "Modesto's Valentine: Divorce Rate Plunges 47.6%" Marriage Savers. 2001.
8 July 2005.
Plunkett, Robert L. "Divorce Laws Should Be Reformed". Marriage and Divorce. Eds. Greenhaven Press, 1997.
From Robert L. Plunkett, 'Vow for Now,' National Review, May 29, 1995;
c) 1995 by National Review, New York, NY.
Rpt. by permission. Thompson Gale. 15 June 2005.