Beavis and Butthead Ensucklopedia About the Authors Butthead by Beavis. He's pretty cool. He hangs out a lot and watches TV. Or else he cruises for chicks. You know, he just keeps changing the channels and when a hot chick comes on he " ll check out her thingies. It's pretty cool.
Hey, check this out. "The pen is mightier than the sword". Wait. Wait. That's what I got, heh heh heh m heh. Writing's cool!
Beavis by Butthead. He's a poet, a story-teller, a wuss, a fartknocker, a dillweed, a doorstop and a paperweight. Huh huh, and he's a dumbass. Plus he's a real wuss. He's never gotten any. He lives at home with no wife and no kids.
Just his pet monkey, huh huh. Beavis has won many awards, including my foot kicking his ass and my fist in his face. Even though I let him hang out with me, it doesn't mean I'm interested in dude, or anything. Mostly I just keep him around so I'll look even more studly around chicks. Compared to him. Beavis, I mean.
Pronunsiashun Guide Ass "Ass" Asswipe "Asswipe" Uh, anything in spanish "Haman a Por Que no Salsa, Please" Dillweed "Dillhole" Butt "But". The second T is silent But deadly, huh huh. Drive Through Please "Riperuebleev" 69 "Like its spelled" The F word "Fart" The S word "Sucks" Boob If you have to ask, you " ll never Know Vulva Uh, that's some science word, I guess. Ask Daria. Weiner "Penis", heh heh heh. Beavis Rhymes with "Weiner" Hooter See "Boob".
See two of them if you can. (But, seriously, pronunciate it "Thingies" around chicks) Anatomy Section The Human Butt, by Butthead The butt is the most important part of the body. That's how come the butt rules. God gave us the butt so that we could, like, have something to talk about. The first butt was invented like, a long time ago by the same guy that invented the toilet. The butt has a crack in it, huh huh huh huh.
God put a crack in our butts so that we might have two butt cheeks instead of one. Some animals like fish don't have butts. That's why they suck. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, there's also your butthole. It's like, in the middle. I could write a whole book about the butthole.
How the Butt Works Inside your butt there's all this complicated stuff that like, makes turds happen. There's all these tubes and stuff. Then the turds come out of your butt, huh huh. (See also: Turds) Make Your Own Butt You can make your own butt at home.
You get two things that are like, round and then you like, put " em together. Huh huh huh. It looks like a butt. Clay works pretty good. You can also make a face out of your butt by drawing eyes on one of your butt cheeks and then lying down sideways. Oh yeah, you have to pull down your pants first.
You can make a butt out of your face by drawing a big crack down the middle, huh huh. Then like instead of cheeks you have butt cheeks. (See also: Turds, Making your own; Play dough, Fun with) Other Stuff to Call Your Butt The best thing to call your butt is your butt, but some people like to call it other stuff like "ass" and "rear" and stuff. When Beavis was little, every week after he took a dump his mom used to say, "Aren't you glad to get that out of your system?" So sometimes we call your butt your "system", huh huh. Like, "Check it out.
You can see her system, huh huh huh". The Nads, By Beavis The Nads are cool. I like to talk about Nads. Nads. Nads.
Nads! Inside your Nads there's all these like, molecules and stuff that cause all these complicated chemicals to make your weiner gets big when you see a chick. That's how come when they chop off a horse's Nads, it turns into a wuss. Sometimes I get a boner when I watch Baywatch. Chemicals are cool! The Mucous Membranes This is part of your brain that makes you remember mucuous.
Mucuous membranes are really important cause if you didn't have " em you'd like; forget to pick your nose. That's when you go, like, insane in the membrane or something. The Ferbical and C lobules They " re these things in your Nads that make it hurt when someone kicks you in the Nads. They also make your Nads itch. Sometimes they crawl up into your butt and make your butt itch. Having your butt itch sucks, but I like scratching my butt when it itches.
It's the damn est thing. (See also: The Human Butt) The Kermodial Buttnoids The glands that make your butt stink. The Virginia hh... Huh huh huh huh. We don't know much about this. Creation (The Story Of) A long time ago, like during those Giraffe Park Times, there was this dude, God, and he was, like, really big, and like, everywhere, but nobody could see him, cause he was like indivisible or something.
So he could, like, go in chicks' locker rooms un detective, except there were no chicks or locker rooms or anything else. There. So he said, "This sucks". Then he said, "Let there be stuff". And like there was the Earth and stuff. And God thought the Earth was pretty cool, but still no naked chicks, so he made one.
And a naked dude, too. And they, like, did it a bunch of times, and they gave birth to all the people in the world (scientists call this the Big Bang Theory). But they didn't have enough money to take care of them all, so their kids had to, like, go to other countries to find jobs and stuff. But by then monkeys had learned to use power tools so like they had to compete with them for jobs and it was hard. Huh huh. Hard.
So they did it some more. China (Fortune Cookies). Beavis is like Chinese food. Huh huh! One hour after he spanks his monkey, he's ready again.
No way, it's more like 10 minutes. Heh heh... Huh huh, how did you like the "Sum Yung Gai"? Yeah, heh-heh, how about the "Turd Fried Rice"? You have mastered the technique of holding you own chopstick, Grasshopper. Huh huh huh, "mastered!" .
Parts of this fortune cookie have been recycled by Beavis... You will meet a stud named Butthead. You will give yourself to him. Uh, if you " re a chick, that is... The journey of 1,000 miles starts in my pants... Confucius says you " re a wuss...
Uh, huh huh. These fortunes cookies remind me of a picture I saw once in a magazine. Yeah, heh heh. Restaurant supply catalogs are cool! You broke my cookie, fartknocker! Now I'm gonna kick your ass...
We took a dump in your food. Yeah, heh heh. "Poo-poo platter!" . You will soon spill your, uh, "Hot and sour soup", huh huh, but you will only spill it on yourself...
Uh, if your name is Beavis, you " re never gonna "do it". Shut up, butt-brain... Turn this piece of paper over for a drawing of Beavis's weiner. Akshual size.
Huh huh huh... Uh, huh huh, you suck. Chicks There's this joke, huh huh, about what the perfect chick look like. It's probly pretty funny. But like, this page is more like a scientific guide and stuff than a joke. And so you can get like the most exact idea of what a perfect chick is.
Head - Like, a perfect chick should have like a really hot face, but like, don't worry about it cause that's like the least important part of any chick cause like you can always wear a bag on your head, huh huh. But like, in the head area, its better if a chick has a perfect face than like, a perfect brain? Cause then she starts thinking stuff and saying junk like, "Quit looking at my thingies". If a chick starts talking a bunch a crap like that, it's like a sign she might not be perfect. Thingies - A chick should have really big thingies, but not so big that it's like sick or something.
Actually that would be OK. But at least make sure they " re attached to a chick, and not like the thingies that fat dudes have at the beach. One time Beavis tried to cop a feel off a fat dude at the beach and like, the dude kicked the crap out of him. Huh huh. He was fast for a fat dude. Hips and Butt-Al Area - Like, a chick should be curvy here.
If you ask yourself, uh, is she curvy enough? And you can't decide the answer, think of like one a those glass things with sand in it that's sposed to keep time. I think it's called a sand watch or something. Except put eyes and like hair on the top, and like skin instead of glass, and like blood and intestines and crap instead of sand. If the chick you " re looking at kind of looks like that, and she hasn't like called the cops yet or anything, then you can say, "Nice butt, huh huh" and really mean it.
Chicks like it when you say stuff like that and you " re not lying. It's called sincereness. Legs - Legs have to be good-shaped, and like, long. But if the chick is short, and her legs can't be long, then that's OK too, as long as they " re good-shaped.
Also, she should shave them, but like, we " re talking about women anyway, and not like a college chick who walks around with like hairy legs and books and stuff. Shoes - We almost forgot clothes so we " re gonna talk about it here. But since this is like the perfect woman, we " re gonna forget the clothes after all. Huh huh huh huh. So like, that's the perfect woman. If you " re going like, "Whoa, what about other stuff, like personality or something", don't be, cause in our scientific opinion as dudes, a chick only gets a personality if she's uh, unperfect, just like the way a dude who can't kick people's asses will like do homework and stuff.
It's called ever lotion or something. Concerts 1. Stage. This is the place where, like, it all happens or something.
Like, that fat dude in crowbar comes up to the front here, and squats down and starts groaning. That's when it's like, magic time or whatever. 2. Speakers. This is what the music shoots out of. It's like, there's two kinds of music: loud and sucky.
You never hear sucky music at concerts, unless you got ripped off, or it's, uh, jazz or something. Loud music shoots out into the air and right into your brain, huh huh. And like, everything shakes and stuff, even your brain. Your whole body's shaking and vibrating and whatever, and it's like that saying of how you can't even hear yourself think. But it's like, so what. Thinking's a pain in the ass anyway.
Huh huh. Ass. Plus Beavis likes it cause he can't hear any of the other dudes who live in his head either. 3. Security Guards. There's all these dudes here in front of the stage who like talk to each other with walkie-talkies and stuff.
They " re like, uh, striker unit 23, we got a situation in baker sector, over. Huh huh. Get the hell back from the stage dammit or I'll split your head like a Halloween pumpkin. These dudes would be just normal asswipes except that they go to more concerts than anybody.
So that makes them a little higher than just normal asswipes. 4. Backstage. Member how I said it all happens on the stage?
Uh, well, like some other stuff happens over here, backstage. They have food, and beers, unless it's one a those bands that had to bust themselves cause they got messed up on beers and stuff. They have slushiest or something, I guess. And this is where Ozzy keeps all the animals and stuff that he's gonna bite the heads off of during the show. And like, this is where all the uh, huh huh, chicks leave their boyfriends before getting on the band bus so they can do it. Uh you can't see the bus on the picture cause uh, I think the driver went over to the hunky dinky to pick up some coleslaw or something.
For the chicks. 5. Light Board. There's this big table thing at the back here and it's got all these knobs on it and crap, and like, a bunch a wires in it. It controls all the lectricity and stuff.
And there's this big fat dude who sits there and like, doesn't even listen to music hardly, he just messes with the knobs and tells people he's gonna come down and kick their ass if they don't quit leaning against the board. Huh huh. I think he's, uh, scared cause of the lectricity. But it's like Beavis took a whiz on some lectrical wires one time and it just like, turned his weiner black for a couple of weeks. 6. Mosh Pit.
This place rocks. It's like, people hitting you and pushing you and jumping on your neck and kicking your face and hitting your head with their knees and knocking you on the ground and stomping on your Nads and falling on top of you and elbowing your chest and stuff. It's like a big, cool family. 7. Tee-Shirt Sellers. If I was smart, I'd like go down to the St. Vincent of Paul and buy all the old used Tee-shirts for about a penny and then like write GWAR on them and sell them at a GWAR concert for 50 bucks.
Huh huh. It's a total ripoff and stuff. Good thing I'm not smart or I'd probly be ripping you off right now. 8. Beach Ball. Before the concert, people are like, we have nervous energy or something, we need to be zapped by high-intensity sound.
Or they " re like, the opening act sucks. So they throw a beach ball around sometimes, or one a those frisbees or a glow stick. One time Beavis tried to get people to throw around this flat empty coffee can he picked up off the highway. I guess they were like, too excited cause, like, nobody threw it back after we chucked it real hard into the pit. It was still a pretty good idea.
For Beavis. 9. Dancing Chicks. There's usually a chick right over here who like sways back and forth and spins around like she's listening to different music from what everybody else is. Listening to. And then you go over and go like, hey baby.
And she keeps dancing and stuff and acting like you " re not even there. And then you go, let's get it on, fox. And she keeps dancing. And then you " re like, okay, forget you. There's other chicks in the sea.
10. Stain. Usually there's a stain over here. And your feet stick on it. It could be like, somebody's drink, or like a dead animal.
In the end, you never find out what it is, and you stop thinking about it. But when you were thinking about it, it was cool. Self-Defense Um, like, getting your ass kicked all the time sucks, heh heh. It's like, you gotta teach your ass to kick back. You gotta learn to self-defend yourself. Heh heh.
That's what I'm gonna teach you how to do. And like, you gotta do everything I say because I'm not always gonna be around to haul your ass into the fire or whatever. Heh heh. The Basic Stance Um, first, you gotta learn the right way to stand. Stand like this, with two feet on the ground. That's like, the best way to stand.
It's easy, and um, pretty comferbal. Plus, if you have to like fall down or something, you " re already standing up, so you " re in the perfect position. The Nad Kick Like this is the move that like, my whole self-defense program is based on. It's just a quick kick motion directly to the nads. Heh heh heh. Really fast and hard.
Right in the nads, heh heh heh. Just make sure you always try to get into fights with people who have nads. Play Dead Sometimes, if you, like, ignore a problem, it goes away. So like, if you suddenly play dead while somebody's kicking your ass, they " ll go away.
Sometimes. The Loogie Hock Um, even if like, your ass has been kicked already, you can self-defend yourself hours, even um, days later. You just hock a loogie into the person who kicked your ass's cup. Heh heh heh. There's another move that's a lot like this move, but different, known as the "Cup a Whiz", heh heh. The Stomp If you have to self-defend yourself against like, bugs and stuff, or like one of those flowers that's got pointy things on it, or like a guy who's already down on the ground, you can do the stomp.
Heh heh. It really hurts. Heh heh. Friendship After you " ve like self-defended yourself, try to be friends with the person.
That way, they won't want to kick your ass again and you can like, get on with your life. Put it all behind you. Heh heh heh heh. Get on. Behind.
A Typical Self-Defense Sna rio "The Basic Stance " Butthead: "Gimme that frog, asswipe. Now. Huh huh". Beavis: "No way, Bunghole."Playing Dead " Butthead: "You wuss. I barely touched you. Huh huh.
My frog, now."The Nad Kick " Butthead: " gh!" Beavis: "M heh heh heh heh. Asswipe."The Stomp " Beavis: "Gimme some a your slushy, you wuss. Heh heh heh. Wuss".
Butthead: "Uh huh huh ow huh ow."The Cup A Whiz " Beavis: "Heh heh heh heh m heh heh". Butthead: "U ugh. Get over here and help me, asswipe."Friendship " Butthead: "Beavis, as soon as my nads feel better I'm gonna beat the crap out of you". Beavis: "Heh heh heh.
Drink this-you " ll feel lots better. Heh heh heh". DE Dahmer, Jeffrey - Uh, I head he, like, sold arms to the military, or something, huh huh huh! Some dude's arms, I mean. Oh yeah, and he's like really smart, cause he's got lotsa brains, heh heh. You know, like, other people's brains?
Huh huh, yeah. And that dude has more guts than anybody else, but he couldn't outrun the cops cause he's got two left feet. And they had trouble taking his fingerprints cause he's all thumbs. And then his lawyer cost him, like, a leg and an arm. Plus a head and two nads, huh huh. Wait, I got one, Butthead!
Now he's, like, pissed cause the cafeteria in jail doesn't serve chick's fingers. Heh heh heh. That's pretty gross, Beavis. Oh. Oh yeah.
Damme, Van - This guy kicks ass. He knows Karate stuff, and like, how to kill people, and the stuff he doesn't know, like English, makes him even cooler. Cause when movie dudes know English, they just sit around and talk and cry and stuff instead of getting to the business at hand, which is kicking ass. But as long as Van Damme still speaks European, everything should be cool. Den adulation - This chick cut off this guy's thingie, and the guy had to show up and blame her, right on TV.
And all through the trial they kept saying "penis."When did you cut off his penis?"Is that where the penis was found?"Is this a photograph of your penis?" Now whenever you see that guy's picture on TV, like on the news or on Renal do, it says underneath his picture, "Wife cut off his penis". And whenever he goes into a restaurant, people say, "There's that dork whose wife cut off his dork". And when people ask him for an autograph, he writes, "Best of luck to Betsy. Signed, the guy whose wife cut off his penis". They should write a book about his life and call it "Where's Woodrow?" Huh huh huh huh. That would be cool.
Desert Nam - The first war so cool they put the whole thing on TV. There was, like, this Sodomy Insane dude trying to muscle in on our chick, Kuwait? So we kicked his ass. It was cool, cause every time the army fired a shot that hit, they'd make a music video about it and show it on CNN.
Plus the reporter dude was like a werewolf. He rules. Dick - A wussy dude's name. It's short for "Richard".
And Beavis. Dillhole - (See Beavis. Huh huh huh huh) Dillweed - (Um, look at Butthead) Dog - How come some asswipes have a big ugly dog at home that doesn't even wear clothes and walks around naked all day exposing its weiner and licking its nads. And they feed it steaks and call it their best friend and say "Good loogie", whenever it takes a crap in someone else's yard.
But if that same dog was me or Beavis, they'd smack us silly and make us see a counsellor? Next time some buttmunch has a "talk" with you, just say, "Hey, why don't you get Rover some pants and maybe he " ll stop making a popsicle out of his own butt!" Dolphin - This fish with a hole in its head that likes to eat balloons and stuff. The dolphin likes to eat balloons and stuff, I mean. I don't know what the hole likes to eat. Sometimes tunas get caught in the notes fishing dudes leave out for dolphins, which really sucks, cause tuna fish tastes pretty gross. Doppler Effect - The Doppler Effect was named after this dork named Doppler who went around naming stuff so people would think he was a scientist.
Sometimes when Beavis farts, it makes a little brown stain in his underpants. I'm going name that the Butthead Effect, and then I'll, you know, get some. Douche - A feminine hiding product, or something. Dumbass - Uh, you should be able to do this one, Beavis, huh huh huh. Um, okay Butthead. Eh, heh heh, a dumbass is defined as, um, you know, a dumbass?
It's just, like, someone whose butt is as smart as his brain, or something? You know, like a dumbass. This is hard. Dudes and Chicks There's like two different kinds of people in this world, dudes and chicks, except this one dude we saw at the state fair who's like a dude and a chick, huh huh. Me and Beavis are dudes, so like, we know a lot about like what dudes think about and stuff. Huh huh.
Mostly, we think about chicks, so I guess that makes us experts on them, too. Here's some a the stuff we know... A dude's brain is like designed for complicated stuff like science. Lie, for counting beers and experimenting on bugs or whatever...
A chick's brain is built to think about simpler stuff, like me and Beavis. Huh huh. At all times... These rock-solid muscular man arms are used for kicking the asses of dudes who look at my woman... Chick arms are built for holding me, and like, carrying stuff to me. Nachos and crap...
Chicks have these thingies that stick out. It's like, they evolution ed after chicks started wearing bras. It was like, I like my bra, but it's all loose ans stuff. I know, I'll grow some thingies!
Huh huh... This is a dudes's package. Huh huh huh huh. It's like where he gets most of his ideas from...
A dude needs perfect legs for running after chicks and stuff. And like kicking other dudes in the nads, like Beavis, huh huh... A chick's legs are sposed to work closely with her arms to help carry my stuff to me. If they won't cooperate, the chick shaves them as punishment. How To Like Talk To A Chick Sometimes it's hard talking to a chick. Heh heh heh heh heh.
But, like with chicks? It's like, they say stuff, and like, you have to think of what to say back, and by then they " re already getting in some dude's car instead of yours just because he, like, has a car. Here's some tips on how to like get a chick's attention and then hold it. Heh heh heh. Hold it... First, unzip your pants a little bit.
Like halfway. That's so, like, the chicks you " re talking to will start to, uh, unconshusly think about them. Your pants... Like, every time you " re about to say something, open your mouth really wide and lick your lips, heh heh. It's a chick turn-on... When you first meet a chick, say something that like, shows you like really care about them or whatever.
Something like, "I think I can see your nipple". Heh heh. That's called a ice breaker... Sometimes, like, a joke can break the ice too. Something like, "It looked so nice out today I'm not wearing pants".
Heh heh. Or like, that one about the dude who goes like I can't hear you cause I got a banana in my rear. Heh heh heh... When the conversation dies down, change to subject. Go, "Uh, do you wanna do it somewhere?" That way there's like, no awkward silences and stuff... After about a minute or something, when you " ve said all there is to say, that's when you make your move, You should try to talk to chicks near where the reis a clock so you know when a minute's up.
Heh heh. Up. How To Get A Dude's Attention Like, a lot of chicks ask me and Beavis for advice about dudes, huh huh. They all want to know how to get a dude's attention.
Or at attention, huh huh. I always tell chicks the same three things: . Take off your shirt, huh huh... Uh, please take off your shirt...
Dammit, I said please. Get back here and like, take that thing off. Okay, just unbutton it a little. The top button. Huh huh. OK, bye now.
What A Dude Says And What He Really Means Says: Um, heh heh. Like, hi. Heh heh. Um, let's like, let's go somewhere and um, do it.
Heh heh heh. Yeah. Nice thingies. Thinks: TV is cool. Like, they should make glasses that like have two TVs on the inside so you could like put on your glasses and you'd just be watching TV. Heh heh.
You'd be on your bike watching TV. I wonder what my bike is doing right now. Somebody's probably like, riding it. Heh heh m heh heh. Riding it. Ride!
Ride! Ride! My next bike is gonna be made of nachos. And like, then I can ride and eat and watch TV. Hey, where'd that chick go? She was here just, um, like, 20 minutes ago.
Excuses That, Like Work Um, excuses are like these things you use to get out of stuff, heh heh. It's like money, except they don't buy nachos, they just buy time. And like, you cna't wait for Stewart before school and take his. Not everybody uses excuses, but that's cause most people aren't like as un telligent as us.
Heh heh. Here's some excuses we use to like get out of stuff... Um, a dog ate it. Heh heh. Then he puked it back up and like, ate it again. Heh heh.
Then, when he puked it up again, he just like, rolled in it, huh huh. It was messed up... Uh, huh huh. I couldn't get to work on time cause my nads hurt. Huh huh...
This fat dude George bet us that like we wouldn't spank our monkeys and then him and his friends were like betting too. Um, this dude Jerry and Elaine, who's a chick, and this other dude named Creamer or something. And so like we weren't doing it, huh huh. But like, Creamer did it and then like, huh huh, so did the others, including the chick, who's like, not even sposed to have a monkey, but she did it anyway. Huh huh. And like, that's why we couldn't do the homework cause we were too busy not spanking our monkeys.
But then during the commercial, we did. Huh huh... Um, we can't like precipitate in the can goods drive cause like, we " re allergenic to metal, heh heh. Unless it's heavy...
We didn't do the homework cause Beavis's mom had to go get her stomach pumped... Um, heh heh, we didn't do the assignment cause we were watching educational TV instead. You know, like a show about those things, um, dinos sers, heh heh. They were those purple things with teeth and they like, hung out with the little children and sang songs about numbers and crap. And then they went sux tinct until a little later when Big Bird came on. They said on the show you could get a class credit for watching...
My pen ran out of ink. Cause like I used up all the ink writing, uh, to those poor kids in central Indiana... These dudes jumped us and like made us give them our homework and um then they went to their school and like, claimed it was their homework even though it was ours. I heard they got an A on it. Don't try to find them cause they like in England or like Britain or something...
I have that thing. Uh, attention defi... uh, defi... Huh huh huh, defecate. Huh huh huh huh huh... Uh, we " re late for work cause like, we were out fishing with the president of Burger World. Uh, he said it was okay since he's the president, and also that you have to like clean the fryer for us.
He said he was probly gonna fire you unless you like give us some more vacations. Huh huh. Foreinurz French Dudes French dudes like to say "Ooh" a lot. Like", h-la-la! Volley too take a look at the pooh on my shoe?" Heh heh heh. French dudes get a lot of chicks, cause they know how to French kiss, and stuff.
Plus they " ve got some, like, magical way of tickling. This would be okay if they just got a lot of French chicks, but sometimes they get American chicks too, which sucks cause then there's less chicks for me and Beavis. Oh yeah, and French dudes all think that Shari Lewis chick is a genius just cause she, like, taught a goat to talk. Chinese Dudes You don't wanna fight chinese dudes cause they " re all like, good at Tai-Dye and stuff, which they learned a long time ago from that Marc Polio dude. Plus they " ve had a lot of practice fighting Godzilla. Another cool thing about Chinese dudes is that they call everyone they meet an "Ah-so", huh huh huh.
English Dudes English dudes are like English, but the weird thing is, they don't talk English. Yeah, heh heh. It's like, when they say "bum" they " re not talking about some dudes begging on the street, they " re just talking about his butt. Huh huh. And they say other weird stuff like, "It's time for tea and spank my monkey". Yeah, really.
English dudes are way too interested in tea. Mexican Dudes Mexican dudes love America almost as much as Americans do. Like, they named their whole country "South America" cause they love America so much. Maybe they were hoping we'd return the favor, and then the most ass-kicking country in the world would be called "North Mexico". But instead we just named one state "New Mexico".
It's like a carnation prize or something. The only words they have in Mexican are, like, foods:" Nachos, Tacos, Burritos, Tostadas, Chihuahuas and Chimichangas". Yeah but, um, some other Mexican food ackshully has English names, like rice, beans, burritos and nachos. Wait. Wait. Um, oh yeah.
Canadian Dudes Just keep walking North for about a million miles and you " re bound to run into some Canadian dudes. They " ll be the people in the houses made out of ice who spend all their time harpooning whales. It's probly a pretty cool life, but the cold weather must really, you know, shrivel your thingie. Like you'd notice with Beavis, huh huh. Shut up, bunghole.
Canadian dudes have, like, a hundred different words for yellow snow. Dutch Dudes Not much is known about Dutch dudes, except for this one kid who got his picture on all the paint cans after he put his finger in a dyke. Heh heh m heh heh. "Cans". The Future It's important for a good ensucklopedia to have stuff about the future. Uh, because kids in the future can still use this book to cheat off of.
So we did that thing. Research, like we watched, that show about the, um, dudes in the space ship and they like fly to different planets or whatever and they get phase red all the time. I think it's called Cheers. It sucks. And, uh, in the future, it will still suck. Here's some other stuff.
Lifestyle Probly the biggest question for any wuss who gives a crap about the future is like, will they find a way to make TV not suck? And the answer is No, TV will not not suck, and since two wrongs like nutri size each other, that means TV will still suck. But there will be some cool things. Like you " ll go, "This sucks, change it", and like, the TV will automatically find you some chicks and explosions.
Also food will be different. But like, if they wanted some real progress with food, they should make nachos that come already chewed, or like invent hot dogs that come in the flavors of fruity whips so it's like, whoa, a whole meal in a roll, this must be the future. There " ll be a lot of technology crap too. When you call somebody up on the phone, for instant, they " ll be on this little TV on your phone, so in the future, people will try to call when people are in the shower, or, huh huh, doing it. Travel In the past, dudes went slow. They rode on cows or something, which they had to start by saying, "Get up".
Then they said, "This sucks. We gotta go faster! faster! faster!" Then that dude Chevy Chase invented the car, But it's still not as cool as it could be, cause like, a lot of cars still don't peel out. But in the future, when they " re powered by, like, technology or something, all cars will finally haul ass. So there " ll be like skid marks and guys running lights all over the place.
The future will be cool for its outstanding crackups. The future also like happens in space. They " ll have these rockets with the power of, like a thousand M-80's, and they go to other planets, like, uh, milky way or snickers or whatever it is. And we " ll like civilize it with Burger Worlds and highways and stuff. But, like, no schools cause we don't want those illegal aliens up there learning how to kick our ass.
Then me and Beavis will move to one of those planets to like colony it and not have to go to school. Huh huh huh. We " re pretty smart. But the coolest thing will be that people will have these Jetson things. They " re like backpacks, only these stuff shoots out the back and you can go up in the air, like a bird, huh huh, and do stuff like birds do, like pinch loafs on people.
It's pretty cool, huh huh huh. But like, by then they " ll have like a invention or something that like shoots a laser from your head to a bird's butt when it craps on you. Huh huh. So pinching loafs on somebody's head won't be as cool then as it is now. Economics One of the big things about ecologic's in the future will be robots.
Robots are these things that " ll do the work humans don't want to do, like pick up after you for the hundredth time. The cool thing about robots is, we won't have to deal with a lot of buttmunch customers at Burger World anymore, cause they " ll just like send their robots to pick up the food from us. Uh, would you like fries with that, you stupid metal fartknocker? Huh huh huh huh. Just like now, some jobs will be cooler that others in the future. Cool jobs will be hovercraft repairman, working on like a video sex phone, and being Ozzy.
Most other jobs will still suck. Chicks Chicks will be different in the future. They " ll, like, put out. Cause, uh, they " ll be smarter, so they " ll dig us more. Plus we " ll be like older, and learned whatever it is old dudes learn to like, mesmerize chicks.
And even if this part of the future doesn't work out exactly right, we can probly get those dudes who make robots to make us a robot chick to do the work human chicks won't do. Huh huh huh huh. The future is cool.