Family Of Multiple Children Adults example essay topic

Birth Order One long controversy among behavioral scientist is the existence of a sibling position effect. Birth order research and theories can be criticized because of differences between parents, sibling positions of the parents, size of families, socioeconomic status, and culture. The conclusions drawn from research studies on sibling position are also often contradictory. However for some reason children with certain birth order roles grow into adolescents and adults with similar qualities. In order to understand the sibling positions in a certain family the family system must be understood, since elements of structure in family systems form the context in which sibling positions develop. The family environment includes membership units, interaction patterns, boundaries, rules, roles, and alliances.

The desires, hopes, and dreams of the parents are carried by the first child. Everything the child does is being done by the first time in the eyes of the new parents. The landmarks of the first smile, tooth, steps, word, first day of school, graduation are all met with overjoyed responses from parents, grandparents, and other relatives. In most families, the responses from this large family audience are more exaggerated than they will be for any subsequent child.

The first children are assigned functional roles as they enter the family system, which include: the job assignment, interpersonal responsibilities, and social interactions. (Hoopes & Harper, 1987). Parents believe that the extended family and their environment watch what the first child does to determine what they are like as a family. Therefore, the main message that first children receive is that they are on display and that the family focus is outward. Leading children to believe that they are the central focus and their actions have consequences beyond them. First children have a sense that their behavior and words are weighed by others and then adopt external validation to evaluate themselves.

Despite the family's high expectations for all of their children, the performance of the first child is emphasized more than any other child will be. For interacting this way first-born children learn that their job assignment is to produce outcomes that meet with the family's approval. First children may work to produce and intangible outcome, such as ensuring that younger siblings obey family rules, planning a family project, or going to a function with their parents. The first-born of families are both overachievers and underachievers, because they find it hard to determine what they have done enough.

(Sulloway, 1997) Psychologically and logistically, nothing is the same for the second child as for the first child. Placement in the family will never be emphasized in the same way for children that follow. Parents may wonder where to put additional children or how to take care of them financially and emotionally, however the issue of placement is psychologically met and resolved with the second child. (Hoopes et al.

1987). When new situations arise in the family or in other contexts, second children are insecure until they determine their place in the situation. This is one of the reasons that second-born children feel responsible for stability in the family structure. Since first children are responsible for the explicit rules of the family, the primary responsibility of second children is to perceive and support the implicit elements in family rules and relationships.

(Leman, 1998). By identifying with the implicit emotional needs and feelings of other family members, second children represent the unacknowledged discrepancies between the family's implicit and explicit rules and values. Second children manage tension or pain by forcing someone to make it explicit, by acting it out themselves, by distracting attention from the conflicts, by teasing, or by expressing it themselves. Second-born siblings do not experience the same internal pressure for products and results that first children have but their primary focus on the need for stability leads them to monitor the quality of a given task.

This makes second-born children base success by the quality rather then by the quantity of products. (Hoopes et al. 1987). Second children feel threatened when they are flooded by so many emotions that they are not able to sort the feelings logically, and make connections between cognitive and affective parts.

It is not easy to determine when second children feel threatened because they often do not realize it themselves. When the third child enters the family, the structure and organization of the family are much more complex then they were when either the first or the second child was born. Third children do not have the benefit of watching relationships develop since they are thrown into a complex system of existing alliances and relationships. (Ernst, 1985). The two older children have formed reference points to the father and mother; with the first child focused on explicit information and he second focused on implicit structure. Since third children are always exposed to established relationships they have fewer opportunities to develop a one on one relationship in the family then do the first two children.

The parents focus on trying to balance the demands of the family and meet everyone's needs as each dyadic relationship structure adjusts to include this third person. Part of this adjustment is shown when third children not only seek to enforce relationship rules in the family, but also try to facilitate connections between other family members. Since third children are non-participant negotiators within the family, they can tolerate and even prefer ambiguity in their position with each party. (Hoopes et al.

1987). However this also allows third children to become withdrawn and isolated from other family members. When conflict is present in a relationship it urges third children to withdraw to resolve the issues in their own mind. Since they tend to focus on issues rather than feelings they can usually see both sides of an issue; problem solving then becomes a matter of analyzing and weighing data rather then a dyadic communication process. Although the third-born siblings are not experts on the individual family members they understand the best about how the family members connect with each other. (Jefferson, Herbst, & McCrae, 1998).

Only children are too often expected to live the life of a model child. Close scrutiny is focused on the behavior in isolation from the example of another child within the home. "I remember describing to my mother the exploits of my classmates in the most vivid and explicit detail, hoping in vain that she would understand that the stories were primarily for her education, that other children misbehaved, did outrageous things, and spoke out brazenly without irreparable damage to themselves or to their elders. The danger of being only is being expected to be holy".

(Kappelman, 1975 p. 25). There are also very common grounds in which the parent and child do not see eye to eye. When there is only one child the battles are magnified. In a family of multiple children adults quickly learn to stretch the perimeters of normal, acceptable behavior to take in the habits of their children, within the bounds of reason and good common sense. A large family allows the development of individual styles of living through experimentation.

It becomes apparent quickly that the differences are essentially experimental in nature and occurrence and that the clean, neat, well-mannered child of today might just be the opposite tomorrow. However, the parents of the only child do not have examples of the variables, experimental behavior immediately before them to reassure them that within a well-structured, well-adjusted home, everything will right itself in the end. (Kappelman, 1975). The singularity of the only child tends to result in certain characteristics that can be found in a high percent of only children. The child may exhibit marked independence or extreme independence. Since the child has been reared alone in an adult world, the only child is very often extremely anxious to please others, especially parents and other adults.

The only child has a youth period, which is free of the puzzling problem of sibling rivalry. This makes the only child extremely confident with is comes to completing task well and receiving the approval of others as well as very critical of themselves. (F albo, 1984). Placement in the family has a lot to do with a person's way of thinking and relating. While many other factors help shape a child's personality first-born do things faster then other siblings and approach like more seriously. Second-born children tend to be more laid back in achievement since the parents are less available.

Third-born children have many privileges and gains considerable social skills because of interactions with older siblings. While only children, in their own category, are self-confident and have a great sense of responsibility. Birth order, like every other factor in the development of the child, can and will differ from the norm for individual children. Each child is absolutely unique.