Grief Through People Loss example essay topic

CHAPTER I INTRODUCTION "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted". Matthew 5: 4 Crisis involved with loss of other human being is the intensive of all types of crises. This paper I will be talking mainly about grief through people loss, as it is something, which happens suddenly, and which can also lead into intense grief. In this paper I want to also talk about how we as a Christian and especially as a pastor will be able to cope with or help a person that is undergoing this grief situation. This is because many of the times when we see someone undergoing this kind of crisis of grief, we tend to ignore it or we try to take over the grief to ourselves. Worst of all this when we try to convince the person that is in this crisis that it is not there at all.

Grieving is an overall response to a number of different kinds of problems. Grief is not something that people is bound to experience but something that has consistently occurred in the lives of many. A loss may not necessarily initiate an experience of grief. But if there is an attachment emotionally to that loss then there might be grief. Grief is a part of human life. CHAPTER IITERMINOLOGYWhat is Grief?

According to Webster's Dictionary Grief is mentioned as intense emotional suffering caused by loss, misfortune, injury or evils of any kind, sorrow, and regret. Grief is considered to be a normal response to loss of any significant thing or person. Grief brings about a lack of meaning in the life of the person he, or she feels empty and sadness fills in. There are two kinds of grief and these are Normal grief and Morbid grief. Normal Grief It is seen as when individuals or family members who have been deeply affected by a death or anticipated death, who are able to openly grieve with each other and accept help from others as they experience the various stages of the grief process.

Some of the symptoms seen in this kind of grief, empty feelings, sighing deeply, lack of appetite, overeating out of tension, unable to sleep. Sometimes there is a struggle with the way one feels about his or her relationship with the Lord. Some of them feel like God is has gone away from them. Most of them have trouble rejoicing in the Lord. Sometimes they over spiritualism the loss and hold back the question of God's involvement in the loss.

Morbid Grief This kind of grief takes place or happens to those individuals who experience loss at a much deeper level, and who display psychological and physical symptoms that, if unattended, could result in serious physical, emotional, and spiritual problems. This kind of grieve is the one which has to be looked most into. As this has greater danger of affecting the individual physically and emotionally. The symptoms of this kind of grief are as follows: a. There is an inability to express emotions as in the normal grief.

This causes to have still extreme feelings for the loss and those affected by it. b. In addition to the symptoms of the normal grief, these kinds of individuals tend to show more pathological symptoms like: intense depression, anger and loneliness. When these kinds of people are not properly attended, they tend top have a number of other physical and mental problems, like asthma, heart problems, suicidal thoughts and attempts, and other illnesses. c. In morbid grief, the person suffering has a serious struggle with his faith in God, often resulting in not attending the church anymore. Most of them change to becoming sinners; they find fascinations in cult practices to get in contact with the dead ones, etc.

CHAPTER PASTORAL COUNSELLING AND THE PHASES OF GRIEF The purpose of this chapter is to look at the relationship between the process of grieving and pastoral counselling. This understanding of the grief process is very important for a pastoral counsellor as he is responsible for both families and individuals. There are three phases of the grief cycle and they are as follows: Phase 1: Shock and Denial Switzer in his book, The Minister as crisis Counsellor; describes the shock as numbness. Switzer explains this phase with the help of the study which was done by C. Murray Parkes on twenty widows where he interviews them at the end of first, third, sixth, ninth and thirteenth months after the loss of their husbands. He found out that even after a year thirteen of the widows denied the death of their husbands, they had difficulty in believing the death. Symptoms The symptoms which follow this phase are the following, panic, initial denial, uncontrollable tears, screams, tightening in the chest, inability to calm down, pacing the floor etc.

Religious person may tend to openly cry out to God for help. And others curse God or ask questions like, "where were you, God?" How could a loving God do this to us?" Etc. Pastoral Approach The pastoral counsellor who is dealing with this initial phase must be able to act in the sense of love and clear understanding of the situation. May be you want to move the grieving person or family to a different place, like a hospital, or to the church so that the griever can express his grief more openly and honestly without disturbance.

Even when the griever is showing denial, the counsellor should make sure his availability to the person. The care and love of the pastoral counsellor by attending to the needs of the griever during this initial stage opens door for further help in the next phase. Phase 2: Disorganisation and Despair This middle phase of loss include emotions that result in depression and despair. During this stage the griever feels very little hope and he or she has a greater sense of separation. Symptoms In this phase one has to deal with a various kind of deep emotional feelings like: Anger - when the reality that there has been a loss sets in the mind of the griever, he or she tends to have deep cutting anger. Guilt - this is when the griever feels as if he or she has not done enough for the deceased.

Bargaining - this is when the griever starts to temporarily denies the loss and engages in a brief period of repentance, where he asks God not to let it be like this and that he will start going to church etc. Abandonment / Fear - this is when the griever starts to feel that reality that he or she is left alone, and the supportive person is gone, which makes the person to begin from scratch. Depression - this is when the griever starts to suppress his feelings and enters into stand still time period. Pastoral Approach The attention of the pastoral counsellor towards the griever at this stage is very important as this might be the time when the griever recovers. But at same time this can also be a discouraging time for the griever. And this is the stage when the griever might look more for God.

As this is the stage when emotional and circumstances of the grief seem to be most devastating. The Pastoral counsellor should be able to keep an eye on the relationship of the griever with God and other people, as he or she can tend to go into isolation or feel isolated. So the counsellor should help them be more involved with others. Phase 3: Reorganization / Hope During this phase the emotions are in the form of relief and reconciliation. There is a renewed sense of hope and strength. The griever stops to deny and starts to accept the loss.

There is a change. In this stage the person may not be stronger than before the loss, but a new strength which is abiding is now there. The individual starts to develop new ways to cope and deal with life. Symptoms We see that griever has most of his or her deeper emotion under control.

They start to open up for conversations, especially of the future. Some even will start to go back into their social and spiritual practices. But on the other hand also some grievers might still have fluctuation between sadness and happiness. We see that those who grieved in the initial phase starts to move on more than those who tried to suppress their emotions and feelings in the initial stage. Pastoral Approach Pastoral counsellors during this phase needs to help the griever in the new ways of coping. There have been many changes after the loss like relationship job and so on.

So the counsellor is helping the griever to develop a new relationship, a new job and new surroundings. The counsellor also needs to help the griever to look upon the past loss and grief, it is not forgotten but it is transformed. Help the person to realise that there is God and other around him. Put a confidence that God has made a recovery. CHAPTER IVCONCLUSIONCase Study For the case study I would like to take something which was a very tragic moment in the life of our family. My aunt has just been married and she had gone off to live with her husband in the east of India.

A year or two passed and they had a child, but suddenly one day my uncle was found to be missing, they send out a search team and the news was that they found his body in the forest. This was one of the worst time period for our family, this was the time when my parents where getting married, to say it was a busy time of the year. And this experience was very hard on our family especially my grandfather. What had happened to my grandfather then after that was something, which became a burden on my grandmother. After hearing that now his daughter was left alone with a child, my grandfather went into a sudden grief like a pathological grief that he became partially paralysed and he stayed like that for 15 years until he passed away a couple of years ago. What I had noticed in my grandfather, with the studies that I have made now, I found out that he was mainly stuck in that second stage of grief.

The problem was that my grandfather being a veteran from the military was a very protective person for his family. So this news of the death especially like this one made him, a man who suppressed the emotions and ending up in fierce anger and hate. In this paralysed situation of his, he was very protective in nature. When any of his children tend to take decision without consulting him, he would call them to his bedside and use his working side to punish them. When this kind of punishment became the children started to just come by only to the door and talk. Even then he used to take his plate or cup and throw at them, especially at my uncle who was taking care of him most of the time.

This was such a real bad experience in our family. But towards the end of his lifetime he became a more caring and loving person, this was like as if he was entering the third stage of grief. At this moment I was still a child, but when I look now back at this situation, I ask myself why wasn't there anyone to help him at this situation. Where was the pastor of the church, when he was needed the most? After studying this case I as a pastor would have done the following to help him undergo through this grief process without hurting himself.

I would follow the Grief counselling guideline, which is provided by Crick: 1. I would have provided my grandfather a listening presence. This is when I would give my grandfather full attention while he puts out his grief. But also watch his voice shadings. Then provide scriptural helps so that he can identify himself with scriptural person. 2.

I would have given empathic responses. The counsellor as a careful listener has the opportunity both in his words and facial expressions to demonstrate his on deep connection with the griever. Empathic responses should be short, but meaningful. This helps the griever as he feels that there is someone interested in his thoughts.

3. I would have avoided judgmental, question and authoritarian statements, as these were what he had heard all the time. Many, especially the family of the deceased started to accuse my aunt saying that she was responsible for the death of her husband and so on. This put more pressure on my grandfather to protect his daughter. So I would have avoided these kinds of statements. 4.

Finally if my grandfather was entering into more depressive state then, when I have found out that I would have called for more help. And this is what had happened to my grandfather, he had entered in this stage of pathological or morbid grief, that his body couldn't carry it anymore leading to his paralysed. In concluding I would say that, we as pastors are most of the time responsible for the people of our community. When a death or loss occurs in our community the first person the griever comes for help is the pastor of his church or a counsellor no matter what background he comes from. So we as the pastors should be able to help this person through this process of grief, mainly with love, compassion and care for the person.

This is because the griever tends to put a break to his way of normal living. Pastors needs to understand these three stages or phases of grief and should be able to help the griever with the knowledge of these. And along side all this we should be able to pray for the griever at all time, asking God to give him comfort. Most of all I would suggest that we should be able to Love and Care for the grieving person and help him to cope to a new way of life.

Bibliography

Crick, Robert, D. Min., Grief, death, dying, and Bereavement: A general overview of the Dynamics of Grief: Helping People in Crisis, ed. Donald S. Ault man. Cleveland: Church of God School of Ministry, 2003.
McMahan, Oliver, Scriptural Counselling, A God-centered Method. Cleveland: Pathway Press, 1995.
Simpson, Carl Dr., Professor for European Theological Seminary, Lecture from Pastoral Counselling, 07. April 2005, Freundenstadt-Knie bis, Germany.
Switzer, David K., The Minister as Crisis Counsellor, Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1974.
The New International Version. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House, 1984 Webster, Noah L.
L. D, Webster's New Twentieth Century Dictionary of the English Language. Cleveland: The World Publishing Company, 1966.