Parent And A Child example essay topic

Benjamin P. Welch Mr. Barnard Psychology 200 December 1, 2004 A simple summary of I'm Ok-You " re Ok will not give the needed credit that the book and its author deserve. It is a book that one must read to fully or even partially understand it's meaning and the author's viewpoint of transactional analysis. The author, Thomas A. Harris M.D., explains in this book the vast amount of experiences that affect the way we live our life from the moment we are born to the second we die. He explains the different feelings a child experiences from being taken cared of and attended to and vice versa.

These feelings are described as "I'm not ok-you " re not ok, I'm not ok-you " re ok, I'm ok-you " re ok, and I'm ok-you " re not ok". The author explains how the interactions between a parent and a child help develop each of these feelings and tells how each one is either healthy or unhealthy. The book talks about the way every human has an "Adult, Parent and a Child" in them all interacting with each other to perform certain task and make everyday decisions. It was amazing to read how certain verbal and physical actions can pinpoint which of the three we are using to perform whatever tasks we are doing. This book is a great guideline to understanding one's own interpersonal behavior and understanding how to find and keep the "I'm ok-you " re ok" attitude in life. Human development has always puzzled me in that I just don't understand why everybody is completely different.

No two people are alike in their ways of thinking, acting, or even dealing with everyday stress. I still don't understand all of human development but after reading this book I do understand a great deal more about it. I did not realize that the development of a person's personality starts from the earliest moments of life. It starts to develop when his or her mother or father holds them for the first time and it and it doesn't stop developing and can always change.

As I have grown up, I have realized that many of my actions are just mimics of what my parents did during my childhood. Just every day simple things such as chewing the inside portion of my lip while watching television, which is what my father has always done. The book explained to me that I saw these things being done by my parents and paired them in my mind as what an adult does, therefore I do them now because it is an unconscious action caused by memories of my parents doing it. Another area that enlightened me was the relationship between the child and its parent when cuddling is involved or as Dr. Harris puts it "stroking". Cuddling brings a sense of "I'm ok-you " re ok."I'm ok" being the feeling the child gets because he or she is being shown love by a larger, more inferior character (parent) and "you " re ok" being how the infant feels about the parent. I also learned that the other feelings are just as likely to appear as in this last one.

Dr. Harris explains that a simple neglect of "stroking" can cause a child to think he or she has done something wrong therefore causing the belief that he or she is not ok but the parent is ok. There are so many different reasons why children feel and act the way they do. The book also made me realize that what we experience when we are just infants have strong pulls on how we act and think as adults. Everything we do seems to go back to how we were treated as infants and how we saw our parents. After I got passed trying to understand the value of stroking in children I moved on to how adults interact with adults. I learned that there is not a whole lot of difference between children and adults.

As life proceeds adults look for just as much comforting and stroking as young children. Although their ways of doing so are somewhat vastly different their goals are still he same. Adults talk to each other to form a bond that is healthy to them both. If they agree then their levels of happiness go up giving them an I'm ok-you " re ok feeling.

Often when adults talk their "parent" or "child" tendencies may come out. Having read the book I understand that two people can not talk if both are not using parallel tendencies. A quick example is two adults are speaking with each other and the first says "looks like we will be late again this year". Then the second lady responds "It never fails".

These two just had a parent to parent (parallel) talk because they were both speaking like adults and both we interested in the other's words. If the second lady would have rejected the first lady's comment (child) and insulted her by saying she was just impatient the conversation would be finish because neither got and I'm ok-you " re ok feeling. I somewhat have come to understand that other people need affection to get through life felling that they " re ok just as much as myself. Affection doesn't have to be a kiss or a hug but just a simple sit down and listening.

You have to pay attention to what the other person is saying and recognize wether they are using their parent or child to talk to you. Ultimately the "Adult" makes the decisions but the parent and child are the influences on the adult's decision. I know that I have to be aware of this because I have to know which of my parent or child to use to talk back them. The child inside everyone needs stroking all throughout life and if it is deprived from that then that person will feel he or she is not ok. If I were to have a conversation with someone and they were using their inner child and I used my inner parent to comfort them or stroke them they would have their I'm ok-your ok feeling. If I were to use my inner child to speak back then we would both have a feeling of I'm not ok, you " re not ok.

We as a society have to be more affectionate to the feelings of others and recognize how to act in certain situations. Personally, I enjoyed this book and all of what the author had to say. I would not mind reading it again and understanding even more about what the author was saying. It really gave me a different look on how we as humans grow and develop into who we are today.

I fully understand why it is so important to be the best parent you can possible be. Child are watching every move their parents make and learning from them. Children along with all of us need attending to and affection. When I first started reading this book I was so lost because the author just came right out and gave all these uncommon terms.

He started explaining different feelings and I was truly lost. After a while the more I kept reading the more I began to understand what he meant in his explanations. I think I now can recognize when I use my inner child at the wrong time or when my parent side is influencing my adult's decision to much. I also believe I can pinpoint which of the two is being used by someone I am interacting with and how to do them justice in complying with them by choosing parent or child. Since reading this book I have found myself trying to practice what the author is trying to teach.

I talk to people and try to figure them out. I watch their hand movements, their eyes and listen closely to their word usage. I can usually pick out certain words that trigger the thought a child or parent. I have notice the more stable a person is or the more educated a person is the more their parent potential shows out. The longer or more complex their words are the more likely their adult decisions are parental influenced. I even have noticed myself sometime having a strong child influence.

I sometime get mad and even whine a little. I recognized my inner child during a card game when I got beaten by a better hand and I stood up and wanted to quit. Usually I don't notice these things right from the get go but later when I think about I just laugh because I know I looked like a child. I know I will continue to observe people's actions as well as my own and hopefully I can learn or teach myself how to control my interpersonal feelings. This book is a great self help book in my mind. I would definitely tell others to read it but not to get discouraged at it because it does take some time reading it to understand its purpose.

We all have interpersonal problems but this book is a wonderful guideline in understanding them and controlling them.