Parents And Children example essay topic

Sibling Spats "Both of you, to your rooms, now!" This is the typical punishment that used to arise from sibling rivalry, but what are parents to do now when the fighting turns into physical violence? The usual reprimanding may not be enough to calm the raging waters. There are various suggested ways to control child behavior, but the problem is finding the appropriate method for the right family. The first step to finding a solution is locating the roots of the problems.

When the children are subjected to constant socialization, they learn to share and use their siblings asa sort of "testing ground". This time helps shape the child's personalities and other lifelong qualities (Bode 21). There are some questions concerning why certain siblings get along harmoniously and affectionately, while others fight constantly. Some of the disturbances in the relationships can be traced to age differences. When one of the children reaches adolescence, they become very secretive. They want the world to see them as an adult.

Sometimes this proves to be overwhelming, so the child lashes out at younger siblings or other family members (Bode 28 - 29). Birth order also affects the relationships between siblings. All children in a family behave differently because of the way they are or were treated by their parents and others. First children tend to be put on their parent's because they are expected to succeed. They are very bossy to younger children, and have strong beliefs about what is right or wrong, and how their brothers and sisters should behave. They do not let the younger ones get away with something they could not do at their age.

The second or middle child does not expect to get his or her own way much. They learn to achieve what they want through indirect means. Last, the third or youngest child learns that the best method for them to get their way is by being nice. They frequently do what they want and get away with it because others aren't paying any attention. Living with all of these dispositions in one household can lead to tremendous outbreaks of anger and frustration just because of trivial differences (Bode 46 - 52). Sibling rivalry has many causes that both parents and children can bring about, but there are also solutions for both parties.

Parents should try to set some ground rules in order to prevent violence, but they also need to let their kids resolve their own conflicts by negotiating by themselves (Hoyt). Parents cannot constantly be interfering because these are their child's learning experiences. Children should be acquiring skills that will be useful later in life. When the small arguments do lead to punches and hurtful name calling, parents need to react as if it is someone else's child being assailed.

Most parents don't punish their child as harshly for beating on their siblings as they would for picking on another playmate. This makes the child feel as if it is okay to annoy their siblings. Punishment needs to be the same for all cases, especially when it comes to bullying (Child Behavior 215-216). Children can also work to prevent fighting on their own. Sometimes children pick fights with their sibs because they are angry with themselves and there is no one else on which to take out their anger and because they cannot hit their mother or father, the child usually uses their siblings as the punching bag.

Older children are more aware of the constant frustration around them and they are more open and understanding of solutions. There are many techniques that a more mature child can use to avoid and help heal sibling rivalry. Bode suggests that this child develops a daily routine that is followed precisely a tall times. This keeps the mind off of outside disturbances, even if they are within the household. Also, they must remember that how their life is now is not how it is going to be forever.

As the rest of the children grow up, things begin to change and sometimes the problems can even resolve themselves (Bode 58 - 64). Some kids fight just to attract the attention of their parents. They are desperate and want their parents to focus on them, even if it may be in a negative sense. This is when parents need to be extra careful not to compare their children. Siblings who are constantly compared to one another end up hating each other for those exact reasons. Parents should try to give compliments to each child for their own special talents.

This will encourage the other siblings to praise the child's success also. Another suggestion to ease this tension is to designate time for each child to spend time alone with their parents (Hoyt). In, sibling rivalry is going to occur no matter what action the parents may decide to take. It is an age old problem that all families have been faced with at sometime. Parents can help their children learn to resolve their problems peacefully, but the fighting itself cannot be completely prevented.

Bibliography

Barovick, Harriet. "Reluctant Referees". Time 22 March 1999: 91.
Bode, Janet. TRUCE: Ending the Sibling War. New York / London/Toronto / Sydney: Franklin Watts, 1991.
Gifford, Susan Kor ones. "From Little Girl to Big Sister". Parents March 1999: 117-122.
Hoyt, Carolyn". 'She's a Stupid Little Brat'". Good Housekeeping October 1999: 86, 90.
Il, Frances L., M.D., Louise Bates Ames, Ph. D., Sidney M. Baker, M.D. Child Behavior: Specific Advice on Problems of Child Behavior. New York: Harper & Row Publishers, 1981".
Strategic Ways to Squash Sibling Squabbles". Jet 1 November 1999: 20.