Perrin's Concept Of A Part Time Marriage example essay topic

First published September 9, 1984 in the New York Times magazine, Noel Perrin's "A Part Time Marriage", identifies the problems with modern marriages, as well as discusses the post-divorce behaviors of many middle class couples. He proposes his own resolution to these problems. Perrin feels that levels of intimacy can help in establishing the success of a relationship or marriage. I agree with him that elevated levels of intimacy and closeness will make for a longer and better relationship, even though we do have a rather high divorce rate. Perrin's first point is that when many marriages end, post-divorce behaviors begin. He says that many middle class couples that have children who separate will slowly work into a part-time marriage.

It starts normally when the woman leaves her husband to find herself. She and the ex will work into a kind of routine where he will come over to help out with the outside chores and handy work, she will maybe do his laundry, and he will almost always stay for dinner. They may even de-velo p back into a warmer relationship, without giving off any kind of impression to their children that they are going to get back together. This may go on for years and they will events-ally grasp that this is how their marriage should have been from the beginning; that is part-time. I agree that many people in today's world who have re-cent ly been divorced will work into this type of routine. Even if you really feel affection for someone you may not want to be with them every waking moment.

I think this happens more to couples who are not ready to give up on their relationship be-cause of a binding tie such as children. My brother and his wife are presently in the process of getting a divorce and he is willing to do almost anything just to be with his child. His selfish wife on the other hand, will not let him or his family see the baby. I feel they will eventually develop these types of post-divorce behaviors as told by Perrin. Many men are not willing to give up their relationship with their chil-dren for the sake of their ex-wives. Perrin also talks about how levels of intimacy can help in determining the success of a relationship.

Perrin states, "There are certainly people who thrive on seven-day-a-week mar-ridges. They have a high level of intimacy and they may be bet-ter, warmer people than the rest of us". He thinks that the rate of divorce would be a lot lower if couples would enter a marriage with a more sensible view of their own closeness. I feel you should only cross the threshold to marriage if you have a steady rate of intimacy and are ready to commit full-time. So many marriages end in divorce because couples closeness decreases as the relationship continues. Younger peo-ple, especially, who jump into marriage because of lust will sooner or later loose their passion for one another.

Some cou-ples, especially those who have children try to stay together for the sake of their children, even though they have lost all attraction for each other. Many will stay together because they have spent so much time and effort in building the relationship that they do not want to start all over from scratch with an-other partner. This is a matter that can easily be further discussed and yet we will probably never find an explanation for it. But for now, Perrin's concept of a part-time marriage could work..