Plan Evil Ideas example essay topic

WORLD DOMINATION IN TEN EASY LESSONS Are you tired of the grind? Do you long for easier days? Do you grow weary of lesser people who have struggled to the top and are now telling you what to do? Are you out of high school or soon will be?

Are you mad all the time? If you answered yes to these questions you may be ready to embark on the job of a lifetime, a no holds barred quest to fulfill your every desire. But wait! It's not just a job; it's complete and total control over a select group of people. In this high tech fast paced rewarding career you not only get to those around you into whimpering masses, but also get to see your dreams come to fruition through long and complicated acts of deviousness. Beautiful buxom women will flock to you and your new-found power.

You " ll have confidence, no stress and the perks of dealing harshly with what bugs you will lead you to a life of fulfillment and relief and many nights of peaceful slumber knowing that those who you once held in disrespect you now hold in the palm of your hands. What is this hallowed of hallowed jobs that will prove once and for all who is the alpha male? What is this rewarding path that will show you the country and get your demands met at the same time? The push of a button could reap you millions in cash.

Leaders will tremble at your name. If you have what it takes: an iron fist, a will of steel or even buns of cinnamon, you too can be a part of the booming field of brand new despots. Act fast, uproot your life and follow these tips, and you too can become AN EVIL OVERLORD! GETTING STARTED Lesson one- Do it for yourself!

You may have seen recent movies in which actors have portrayed 'Evil' doctors, leaders, and even flat out thugs. But as all things out of Hollywood, these stories are tainted with the capitalist greed that makes for a good movie. Strangely the very people who are giving us these 'outlandish' characters are the people whom we can turn to for prime examples of underhanded dealings and a lack of decency which all-good evil leaders posses. They are right, their characters are wrong. These film villains are always beaten; they usually lack an air of class, and furthermore are many times out for simple money or a bleeding heart special cause. But no matter what they do they always seem do the things they do for someone else.

This is wrong! You are the important one here. After all who is the evil overlord? You are!

So start acting like it, burn down an orphanage, start a civil war, cheat the nation out of billions in lottery earnings, but make sure you do it for the sake of one person, you. No one can tell you what you want; you must learn it for yourself. Lesson two. Keep it simple. Villains and despots in movies always go for the gusto with their pursuits. Threatening world peace, threatening the president or threatening to destroy the 'Ozone layer'.

While these are all good crimes and worthwhile pursuits, these heinous atrocities may seem daunting to the beginning dictator. Keep your plans simple. Do things you can enjoy, while learning at the same time. The world is not a peaceful place, so threatening that peace, sad to say, is kind of redundant.

Threatening world peace is tantamount to recruiting gang members (which are great for personal, but that will all be discussed in the section- Your People and you!) and having them shoot one another. Threatening the standard of living is likewise ludicrous because as we all know five percent of the people control the other ninety five percent. The SOL is impervious to pretty much anything, exceptions are made for trade embargo's, high tariffs and taxes, and when stupid Starbucks moves into your neighborhood and forces out that tiny coffee shop with the two dollar cappuccino and the hot waitress who you were about to ask out and- ah I digress. To continue, stay away from ecological crimes at first. Green peace and their entourage of hippie-cries will most assuredly make your life a living hell. And unless you already have hired guns and or thugs to protect you, hippies are scarier than Al Roker in briefs... trust me.

Stick to crimes that you know. Blackmail, getting someone fired because you dislike them, or even stealing your neighbors dog so that you can force him to let you have a pool party in his pool are all easy to do and require little in the way of genius. Bullying old women, knocking on doors and running away, and leaving nasty notes on windows of cars whose alarms go off for twenty minuets are also small compared to some major crimes, but they do build up your confidence in being the evil overlord that is your destiny. Remember, there are no small crimes, only small cries for help. Little steps at first and soon enough you will be holding countries for ransom before you can say 'I have you where I want you!' Lesson number three- research before you start.

I can never stress this rule enough people. The importance of good research will save you sometimes millions in the long run and quite possibly save your life. 'What history forgets,' as the saying goes 'we are doomed to repeat. ' When you have decided on your mission and your agenda, go directly to the library or to the encyclopedia set that you bought in a drunken stupor last year and haven't touched, or if you arte hip to the 'computers' go online. There is a world of information out there just waiting to be exploited and used nefariously. What do I research you ask?

What the crime is! You cannot technically commit a crime unless you know what that crime is. If you cannot define extortion, or money laundering or even thievery, you should definitely find out what you should be doing before you do it. We all know the embarrassing story of the man who walked into a convenience store to rob it only to leave with less money than they went in with. Who are you oppressing?

Too often we forget that there are other people involved. Find out who you dislike and make sure that you come out ahead while your enemy is left in the dust. There's no sense giving your enemy what they want before you get what you want. It just makes for bad evilness.

Who are you against? We mustn't forget that there are people out there who do not wish us to succeed. Superheroes, the CIA, Roger Moore and the unconquerable Al Franken, are all examples of people who are constantly on the look out for evil in it's many forms. These people and organizations are dire threats to most evil people and organizations. Steer clear! Why?

For god sakes don't plan an elaborate plan just for the hell of it, what kind of evil lord has no agenda? It makes me sad to think of the number of villains who do evil simply because they have nothing better to do. If your risking your health, your money, or your prize Capt. Kirk memorabilia plate you better be darn sure that you have a good reason. Remember when you look into the bulging eyes of that deliveryman who brings you your porn late each month because he reads it first, as he's tied to the end of a car about to plummet into a bay, all of your hard work will be realized and appreciated by all involved.

Finally you must realize the how? The how of a plan is almost as important as the plan itself. Your plan must be realized in time. For example, if you force the moon out of its orbit too early it will simply spin away into space. But if you finesse the plan, you could, at a key moment send it hurtling into the sun or into a neighboring planet. Respect and fame will surely follow.

Patience is a virtue of evil as well as being a plain old dumb virtue. THE PLAN Evil ideas come from many places. You can find them locally, in the news, or even use other despots as inspiration for your ideas. Ideas come from everywhere, and surprisingly new ideas will start to spring up all around you if you just let them.

Creativity and chutzpah, many evil leaders feel are more important than an actual working plan. Now that your research is complete and you have your plot, relax for a while and let the creative juices flow. Many an evil plot has unfurled all on its own and with spectacular results, simply because the man was not fretting over it day and night. Take your time, otherwise you will rush the plan and make it boring, boring plans make for boring results. Many times an overlord will undertake a plan or an operation that is too lofty or grandiose. Stay away from the classics as I've said before.

World domination, blowing up Washington, killing Barney, and or the Teletubbies, are all good plans on paper. These plans are extremely hard to follow through with though and you will be surprised at how much planning some of these ideas require. These jobs leave little room for beginner's mistakes; feel free to try, though you will fail! (Negativity in all forms is a powerful ally.) When planning long term, it is good to have multiple plans. This is actually where Hollywood gets it right surprisingly, when you have more than one plan keep them organized. A letter system works best, start with the letter A and work your way down.

This way you " ll have no problem switching from plan to plan if something does go wrong, simply say 'Go to plan B!' a hearty 'Implement plan D' or even 'Goddamn it we " re at plan T already?' Pan ahead! Plan ahead! Plan ahead! Proceed slowly at first. If you stay on familiar ground and proceed with caution, you will reap the long-term rewards in the form of stocks, bonds, ransoms, power and many other highly touted prizes. Do not overstep your bounds and as always, plan carefully and for any occurrence.

People who commit good are crafty when it comes to finding the one concession that you didn't plan against. Notes on planning! -If your intention is to impress a female, be warned. No matter how intricate your plot was no matter how much delight you took from the planning and plotting, your wife or significant other; girlfriend, sister, hooker, chick at Dunkin Donuts, will never be as impressed as they should. Do not be offended by their off handedness as they will soon learn who is the king. I am sure that when Napoleon got home from conquering at night, Josephine was the first one to tell him how little she cared and of how short he really was.

It is no wonder that Napoleon lost at Waterloo, he was depressed. -You mustn't at anytime commit a heinous act for good reasons. Evilness should in no way be associated with 'good' and there for should be left to its own evil devices. Evil is not a cause for morality or righteousness. You may be righteous, but you won't be right, and even if you are your right hand man can't be right even if he is right because then you wouldn't be right. Right?

Right. -Loose lips sink ships, tight lipped plans are better and the fewer people that know, the better. Refrain from telling superiors, editors, writers and anyone else who uses ruthlessness in their daily lives. No one likes a stolen plan and when some one else gets the credit for your idea, it is a bitch. -Also as an after thought, most plans fail because they were not well thought out and failed at some stupid instance, the cops walk in, the boss sees you in his office or your neighbor hears his dog barking in your basement and then sees him duct taped to the water heater because you left the window open. Common sense people.

CARRYING OUT YOUR PLANS! Your profile Keep low key! Now that your on your way to becoming the worst nightmare of the populace you really don't want to blow your cover. You may think it necessary to shout to the heavens that you are now a certified evil overlord, but this is a bad move.

Yes it may seem reasonable to claim yourself world leader, but do not do it until you are actually able to put power behind your actions. You cannot claim yourself a dominating power and still work in an office downtown you will only be laughed at as a crackpot. In your embarrassment and fury, you might end up being forced to liquidate someone that you shouldn't i.e. the sandwich boy, your boss, or that weird lady next to your cubicle that smells like tuna and won't mind her business. You " ll end up being fired and coincidentally I have never seen an evil genius that is unemployed or still living at home. These evil overlord wannabe's end up as crack heads, republican conventioneers or as punk rockers. The way you dress says a lot about your evilness.

Style means a lot and no buxom woman will flock to you if your still wearing Grateful Dead t-shirts and hemp shorts. Flair and grace go hand in hand with lording over people. Look at all of our world leaders today, they are smartly dressed and wear suits and ties. These suits may be uncomfortable but they are much easier to hide in a crowd in compared to the large red jumpsuit that you have designed to be your uniform. Money You may think that every evil megalomaniac has a billion dollar budget what with all of these men running around with names like Rockefeller, Gates, Hussein, turner, and burns. A thrifty overlord is a wealthy overlord, and the more you save, the more you save, the more your wealth will become, the faster your scope of power will enable you to laser beam your enemies.

Keep the long term in mind. If you do happen to be in that top five percent of the world who can write their own checks because they are fantastically rich, good for you! The road ahead will be filled with lasers, secret islands that you own, and meetings with rich and famous people when you tell them that you are black mailing them. You " ll be envied by many, scared by more, every night a party in your honor. Ah we envy you.

For the rest of us the road ahead is long and hard. We must turn towards making money and acquiring it to use to our evil ends. Some people turn towards corporate sponsorship for their monetary backing. A corporate sponsor pays for itself ten times over, it also provides many benefits, legitimate business front, contacts in industry, lists of clients whom you can exploit, and sometimes even as a standard base of operations. Believe it or not many people in business are already plotting evil things and if you join with a corporation specifically a multi national one you will be sure to find other people to share evil ideas with and converse over coffee about how your going to change the world through chemical warfare.

Finding a sponsor is the tough part. No company wants the bad press associated with evil people and thusly try and distance themselves from evil people publicly while all the while searching for new recruits of evil people just out of college. Owning a company, no matter how small, equals instant headquarters for planning and preparing, and immediate sponsorship. Working at a large corporation is less stupendous though; this method takes much more time, as you must rise in the ranks to receive the power that is rightfully yours.

You must work to get into a position of power; the head coffee poured of the mail room is not I repeat not a position of power. Hopefully you " ll be able to finagle your way into a vice president-ship, or corporate manager of a secret office. These positions have inherent evilness to them and as a result are some of the most sought after in the biz. Finally you might after years of hard work, worm your way into the boardroom finally able to disintegrate other board members and seize their power.

Whichever way you'd like to make your money, a corporation is the way to go, Pepsi, Starbucks, Evil Ben's house of S&M (in the south now too) and finally the most evil of all: the Children's Television Workshop (do not mess with them they " ll hurt you, look how they control most children under the age of eight. Eh? See how evilness can benefit you financially?) These corporations are all examples of corporations that have far reaching influence and no threats of rivals. Choosing a Lair Ah we " ve come to a prime part of evil over lording; your lair. Be it underground, on the Moon, in Mount Rushmore or even in your mother's garage. Choosing and decorating your secret lair should be fun, not a chore.

Represent who you are as a villain and realize that that is how your enemies will see you and talk about you. Choose a theme and stick with it. No one likes a super villain who mixes and matches his styles of lair design. For instance, swampy jungle themes and computers are a definite no-no. Not only does this blend look tacky but also you will no doubt be forced to endure the embarrassment of secret agents cruel jokes, which hurt in ways that guns and disintegrator's cannot. Keep it simple, maybe a liquidation booth or a meditation chamber or a beer pong table.

These items not only look good but also add dollars and value to the retail price of your lair. Yes sometimes your little bungalow of torture may seem a little too crowded or cramped and it may be time to move on to bigger and better digs. This isn't a big thing but rather a necessary step in becoming a mature over lord. Ming the merciless moved lairs more than eight times before he found his evil lair-to-be in the classifieds When shopping for the perfect lair be sure to look in the personals and the classifieds. There are certain secret codes in use to tell what it is your buying. There's no use calling about the place if your definitely not looking for an underwater lair or that perfect cave lair that's no good to a claustrophobic.

Usually the scene of a major upset at the hands of a hero or enemy is enough to rid yourself of that embarrassing reminder of your defeat. Many a fine castle or underwater lair has been sold at rock bottom prices simply because the previous owner wants nothing to do with it anymore. Also it is good to change up your 'type' of lair every once in a while, so as not to become too obvious or predictable in your selection process. I mean how many times can you live in a volcano before the good guys just go to the nearest volcano to find you. Change it up; variety is the spice of life guys. Location, location, location This is another thing I cannot stress enough.

There isn't much point to starting your conquest of the world from some lame-o easily entered base. A cat food cannery may seem a lot less appealing when compared with a secret island with an abandoned military base on it, besides, with the abandoned soviet military and the liaises fare policy of the American military, there are bases and missile silos all over the place. When you do finally decide on a base remember these three steps: Accessibility- good for you, bad for them! Make sure that when buying the base you see it first. We all remember Mad Marge's discount bases on the moon scheme where she would sell fake moon bases to people who realized later that they had no means of getting there themselves.

Defenses- deadly is best, spikes, razor wire and the like. Annoyingly painful just wont cut it. Forget putting up keep away signs, they just don't work and simple strengthen the resolve of most heroes. Good communications- the evil Bill Noonan will never be able to live down the 'call waiting fiasco' or the number of times he would have to call to get through to most of the world leaders. There is nothing worse than telling your demands to a secretary who doesn't give a crap.

It's demeaning. Personnel Every great man needs them; the cannon fodder the lackeys the thugs. Call them what you will but they are an integral part of being an evil lord. And as with all things involved in being an evil lord, proper behavior is a necessity. One of the toughest things about being a good bad leader is dealing with your underlings. Those none too bright, order taking fellows whose sole purpose for being in your presence is to fill out your every whim.

Even if you " re only lackey is the pimple face guy who works across the hall from you, as long as you refer to him as addle brained, wretched or incompetent, he will be fulfilling your desires and needs as a lackey. Too often overly zealous minions get away with numerous lapses simply because their leader is not quick enough to dole out the beatings. Heavy-handedness is sometimes a necessity. And by all means feel free to send unruly minions to the death chamber, they are a chore and can only cause you headaches with their buffoonish ness. Also try to refrain from complementing or encouraging employees they should see you as a commanding presence and nothing else.

There is no such thing as a 'buddy overlord. ' VERY IMPORTANT Make sure that you force your minions to sign a standard no retaliatory contract before you employ them. This limits your liability in case of dismemberment, death, laser burns or even the dreaded shark attack accidents. Your minions and lackeys will perform all sorts of dangerous jobs for you while in your service, and in doing so incur some very strange and odd mishaps.

It is not unknown for whole platoons of men to fall victim to germ experiments gone horribly awry. Needless to say it is also paramount to have a good lawyer or team of them ready and waiting to spring you from jail the moment some do-go oder decides you need to be behind bars. Lawyers and contracts can save you countless hours of manpower and energy in which you can devote to your creative juices. THE JOB IN CONCLUSION There you are, you are well on your way to becoming a despised leader. Some of you may already be one and don't even realize it yet. Do people fear you?

Are there plots against your life? Your halfway there my friends. Getting to be an evil overlord takes time and patience. You will learn as you go. Don't worry about mistakes; they will deal with themselves when they appear. You are on your way to becoming on of many in the fine ranks of commanders of an army of lackeys and ruffians who wish nothing more than to serve you faithfully for money.

Experiment. Your way is the only right way. And most o all, have fun! Their rules don't apply to you, and hey if someone bugs you don't get mad... just have them liquidated..