S Effects On Internet Relationships example essay topic

Abstract There is a new place for exploration in regards to relationships; traditionally we meet people on the street, at bars or by other friends. However, since the vast expansion of Internet users, there have risen new ways of interacting and communicating with others. There are places on line that are specifically made to meet people in different context and environments. Some of these areas include instant message engines, chat rooms, and different other Internet based companies, which provide these services. Along with these new technological advances, as with many other things, there are negative outcomes. There has been research done on how these new ways of communication may cause turmoil to a relationships, through the idea of ~{!

0~}Internet Infidelity, ~{! 1~} Internet infidelity is defined by Shaw, ~{! 0~}as taking the sexual energy of any sort thoughts, feelings, and behaviors out side a committed sexual relationship in such a way that it damages the relationship, and then pretending that that this drain in energy will affect neither partner or the relationship as long as it remains undercover. (p. 29) ~{! 1~} Some individuals discount these acts of interactions on line as ~{! 0~}non-real, ~{!

1~} therefore not constituting them as cheating; but through my research and my qualitative inquiries, I have found that ~{! 0~}cyder cheating~{! 1~} may and has caused dire consequences in relationships. Introduction There has always been a concern about cheating with in relationships.

However, the risk seems to have increase with the advances of new technologies, such as the Internet and the services it provides in regards to meeting people. The Internet now offers many opportunities to meet people on-line through services such as on-line personal ads, chat rooms, and instant messenger systems. It is reported that, ~{! 0~}national averages indicate that families have wholeheartedly adopted the computer and the Internet access into their homes in relatively short time.

The exponential growth of Internet access at home raises questions regarding how Internet sexuality influences couples sexual relationship and sexual satisfaction~{! -~} (Gonya, 2004, p. 386) ~{! 1~} These new technologies have provided individuals in relationships the opportunity to venture in to a new way of what would be considered ~{! 1~} The reason people get trapped into this type of behavior may differ depending on what ever motives are intended by their Internet usage. Some researcher believe that individuals might be drawn to the internet to make friends or simply to find others like them that are looking for someone that can replace the intimacy that has been lost in their current relationship. There is however the perspective of certain individuals have a different perceive to the ~{!

0~}realness~{! 1~} of these encounters since they are in some way abstract and not face-to-face; the anonymity and the convenience of making up your own persona also contribute to the attractions to this type of activities. Moreover, this behavior has emphasized on the consequences that may hinder a relationship to the point of its end. This paper will focus on how the new technological advances in regards to the Internet and its services have attributed to many cases of adulteress behavior by one of the partner~{! /~}s and the consequences of their actions.

Approach~{! 0~}The basic research approach intends to gain knowledge as an end in itself; discover truth. (Patton, 2002, p. 224) In this paper I will further research and gain knowledge on such Internet services and the effect they have on relationships. Basic research indicates that the world has a pattern, and that these patterns can be explored and explained. Past research has an indication that ~{!

1~} has caused great complications in relationships, to the point that the relationship comes to an end. I will approach this paper for the sole purpose, which will contribute to the limited research that has been done on such a topic. Literature Review People gear towards on-line services to meet others because of the different demographics the Internet has to its disposal. Many of these individuals that cheat on line are attracted to the benefits that come with regard of non-physical encounters. Gonya (2004) believes, ~{! 0~}Internet sexuality offers an environment free from rejection where sexuality can be explored with out having to reveal oneself through taking on another identity, maintaining anonymity, or selectively revealing only attractive parts of oneself.

(380) ~{! 1~} These advantages also allow the cheating individual to be as selective as he or she would like to be and to let the on line affair go as far as she or he pleases. It is important to underscore the benefits these cheating individuals have and how they are easily attainable through the means of the Internet. Hence, making the Internet an ideal, and what seems to be a more prominent and new way of being unfaithful; and hidden from the partner in the ~{! 0~}real~{! 1~} physical relationship.

Cases have prominently been rising in which people are looking for sexual satisfaction through the means of cyberspace. In some cases where one of the individuals feels that the other is not providing the sexual satisfaction that the other partner is looking for, is one of the causes of that will drive the other to explore other possibilities that will fulfill what is lacking in the relationship, however the consequences to turning to the internet as an alternate, may not be evident to the individual using such means. Jennifer Gonya (2004) In Internet Sexuality: Clinical Implications for Couples, states, ~{! 0~} (That) with the expansion of internet infidelity family researchers have yet to access the impact of Internet sexuality on couples with respect to their relationships or their sexual satisfaction, ~{! 1~} (p. 375) this indicates that the concept of ~{! 0~}cyder cheating~{!

1~} should be taken more seriously by marriage counselors and other professionals that deal with relationship counseling. Her research indicates and asks for the need for the ~{! 0~}realness~{! 1~} of the problem that ~{!

0~}cyder cheating~{! 1~} has caused in relationships in order to help discover means to help people that are currently seeking counseling for this abstract form of infidelity. It can be hard to access the ~{! 0~}realness~{!

1~} of cyder cheating studies show that there are individuals who do not view this as a negative act; there are of course the different perspectives of men and women, in regards to being unfaithful with such actions. In a study done by Powell (1995), in order to explore the different understanding and perspectives that the different sexes have on Internet Infidelity, he claims that ~{! 0~}Although not all (female and male) participants saw this act as a real act of betrayal, the majority did see this as not only real infidelity but as also having as serious an impact on the couples as a traditional offline affair~{! 1~} (P. 234). What this case study indicates is that, whether or not the infidelity is Internet based or as an actual physical affair, the substance of infidelity remains present. Since the substance of infidelity remains, this could mean and has had severe consequences on relationships.

Furthermore, the assessment of the realness to Internet infidelity is vital and should be seen for what it truly is: cheating. A factor that becomes emphasized as one of the reasons people become unfaithful through the Internet, would be the idea of Internet addiction and its consequences. In a narrative study done by Gonya (2004), she interviewed a couple that had been having problems in their relationship do to the male~{! /~}s wife~{! /~}s constant use of the Internet. He complained about his wife~{! /~}s animosity towards him and how she found sanctuary by becoming intimate with an on-line ~{! 0~}boy friend. ~{!

1~} Gonya claims: ~{! 0~}when one person exhibits on-line sexual, the other partner often feels isolated and ignored contributing to further isolation between partners and sexual dysfunction~{! 1~} (379). This idea of online addiction was what led the alleged wife to her action in becoming unfaithful, however being addicted to the internet, although this may have been the factor that drove her to the ~{! 0~}cyder~{! 1~} arms of the other man, should not be necessarily indicate that being addicted to the internet will have an outcome, which will lead to infidelity in a relationship, rather; it was the factor that in this particular case drove to such a conclusion, which was the feeling of isolation and the disregard of her partner.

Some of the individuals that choose to use the Internet as a means to meet and date new people may be driven by the lack of intimacy in their relationship due to the lack of self-disclosure in a relationship. Gonya (2004) states, ~{! 0~}Intimacy is defined as the ability to disclose core aspects of the self to a significant other~{! 1! -~}she further explains the different types of intimacy as: Self-Validated intimacy: ~{!

0~}requires that the person validate his or her own personal disclosures even when confronted with attempts to be invalidated by a significant other. Other-Validated intimacy is characteristics of the types of validation found in on-line relationships, sexual or otherwise~{! 1~} (380). Hence, individuals seeking relationships on-line may have low levels of differentiation, leading them to search for validation and emotional support from anonymous others on-line.

This alternate way of seeking emotional stability, even though justifiable is still open to interpretation by individuals as to whether or not it would be considered dishonest or infidelity. If there were not any physical contact between the people having an on-line affair, it still under the definition provided by Shaw, (1997) would still constitute as cheating on a significant other. Shaw explains, ~{! 0~}The most important aspect of Internet Infidelity is the amount of energy drained from the primary relationship linking couple dissatisfaction with Internet infidelity. The amount of energy that the individual partaking in on-line infidelity takes the time and energy that would otherwise be implemented to his or her actual relationship. This factor causes problems and tension between the partners and the feeling of neglect and isolation by the individual who is not ~{!

0~}on-line~{! 1~} dating, furthermore; this is when emotional instabilities become prominent. When an individual feels neglected emotionally by their significant other, they might seek Internet chat rooms for friends that could compensate or have potential to provide that emotional support that is needed in a relationship. Gwinnell, E. (1998) in her article Online Seduction: Falling in Love With Strangers on The Internet, explains, ~{!

0! -~}People over the internet begin sharing their innermost feelings thoughts and all, with out the fear of rejection or criticism because they feel more comfortable without the face-to-face contact. Since emotional stability is important in a relationship some individuals might veer out in search of that through the Internet, once they find it, it is when problems will emerge in their current relationships. When individuals that are seeking for that emotional support find it from someone on-line, is when their original relationship will start to deteriorate. In cases were couples try and seek help after the Internet affair has been discovered, couples seek help, however their circumstances are not viewed as significant by counselors versus actual cases of physical infidelity.

This causes further problems in the relationship because it is not seen as substantial an actual physical affair. There has been research done by Leiblum (1997) in her article Sex and The Net that outline that sustainability to Internet cases. She proposes three steps, ~{! 0! -~}the Internet follows a predictable course of: initial infatuation, heavy involvement, gradual decline to more modulated activity, and indifference or occasional involvement, ~{! 1~} (p. 21). She believes that theses stages ~{!

0~}act as an indication of the beginnings of theory development about internet sexuality. Her findings signify that there needs to be more attention geared to taking Internet Infidelity as a serious problem that should be appropriately implemented to those couples that are seeking the help that they desire. Moreover, regardless if the affair is physical or cybernetic, it should be viewed by professionals as equally substantial. What constitutes for cheating and betrayal? In an article written by Whitty, (2004) Cyber Cheating from her study done on cheating on-line, she gives Julie Fitness definition of betrayal (2001) ~{! 0~}Essentially, betrayal means that one party in a relationship acts in a way that favors his or her own interests at the expense of the other party~{! /~}s interest, it is not merely the act itself that is the betrayal, but the energy being diverted to another significant other energy and time that the partner perceives should be given to them.

(2004, p. 2) ~{! 1~} This definition gives an indication of how when one engages intimately with another person on-line, the other partner will lose the energy that would otherwise be used to the actual real relationship, leaving the impression and feeling of betrayal to the party not involved in the Internet romance. This implication leads to further emphasize that problems will emerge because of such circumstances. Methodology To further sustain my research on those implications that the Internet is and has been a viable source for Internet infidelity, I have conducted an in Interview with someone that has had first hand experience in an on-line affair. In this interview many things were discovered that help and support the leading causes of this new phenomenon. The person that I have interviewed will be given an allies name in order to protect her in regards to her own personal present feelings on the internet and meeting people on line.

The person I interviewed has and still is a very close friend of mine, which is why I would consider this interview viable and substantial. The interview consisted of open-ended questions that encouraged her to explain and put into narrative her first hand experience with the internet and the consequences they have on relationships, by meeting people through its means. Most of the interview consisted of topics that are highlighted and typical in Internet cheating or infidelity. Her unique experience with this phenomenon helps further research the reasons why people turn to the internet as a source for emotional support, the idea of anonymity through chat rooms, ease accessibility in regards to demographic environments, and simply accidentally meeting someone that is able to provide what the other partner in the ~{! 0~}real relationship~{! 1~} does not, which in this case was the bases of emotional support.

The person that I inter viewed is named Michelle Castro; she had been married with her husband for over three years and has three children with him. Michelle claims that her husband began to grow distant from her emotionally. She said she thought he might just be going through a phase, but things continued the same months after her first implications. Michelle began using an on-line instant messenger as a means to have constant communication with her family that was currently living in a different state than her, due to her husband~{! /~}s job in the military. At this time is when Michelle began to use Yahoo Instant Massager to not only talking to family members, but to also make friends on line. Through out her massage usage she met a man that that used the nickname of Joy 34.

Michelle began having constant contact with him on-line which at first was only friendship based. However, after a few months, they began to have more intimate conversations with each other and grew closer to gather, emotionally. Which was one of the factors that was currently lacking in her relationship with her husband? There intimate conversations reached a point after over the time span of two months, to the point were they were arranging a date to meet and have a face-to-face conversation and interact with each other outside of the abstract environment of the Internet.

However, her husband that had been questioning the amount of time she had been using on the Internet caught Michelle. She argued by stating, that whenever she is not on he is on their playing computer games. Furthermore, on the occasion that her husband came home for lunch, Michelle had left her screen open while in the restroom and her husband saw the conversation she was having with Joy 34, and parts that mention prior conversations of the time they would meet. When Michelle exited the restroom, she saw her husband and he questioned her about what was going on. She was honest; she said that their relationship was lacking what this person on-line was providing her: emotional support. Her husband explained how he had felt ~{!

0~}betrayed and used. ~{! 1~} They talked about seeking professional help, but her husband felt unease about seeing a counselor and having to explain their circumstances regarding the Internet. He felt that they would not take them seriously. Both Michelle and her husband agreed on trying to work things out on their own, but that only led to a final divorce, because of the lack of what he claimed his trust and the feeling of betrayal by Michelle. They are now in the process of divorce and Michelle has currently found out information that had not been excavated in the past.

Her husband had been meeting people on-line too. This emphasizes on the harms that these Internet services have instilled to relationships. The fact of Michelle~{! /~}s feeling of lacking intimacy and emotional stability can be justified by Gonya (2004) when she refers to individuals seeking relationships on-line because of low levels of differentiation, leading them to search for validation and emotional support from anonymous others on-line. This case with Michelle and her husband was a cause and effect justified through theory. Michelle lacked intimacy and emotional comfort and she found through the means of the Internet. Which, further more data may justify her feelings of the lack of intimacy, by her husbands infidelity through the use of the Internet.

Findings and Field Notes Through my in-depth interview with Michelle Castro, I have obtained substantial information that represents findings from other data that I have studied. Internet Infidelity has factors that drive its causation. In the interview that I conducted the factors consisted and were supported by previous research. In Michelle~{! /~}s marriage there was a lack of intimacy, the feeling of betrayal, and the lack of emotional instability in her relationship.

The husband felt betrayed and cheated on which led to the end of their marriage. Michelle later found out about her husband~{! /~}s Internet usage in which could be assumed as her initial feelings of emotional instability. Analyses The information that I obtained from documentations and studies have reinforced the idea that Internet romances or that internet infidelity have a significant potential for damaging relationship. The interview that I conducted shared many of the factors that contribute to this infamous behavior of infidelity and give more insight to research in its self. Drawing the same conclusion of the factors that lead people to search out side of their relationships, whether it~{! /~}s for emotional support, sexual satisfaction, or exploring what new technologies have to offer through the internet in regards to finding out lets for the loss of those factors.

My analyses help by reinforcing and giving new documentation to this area of study that has lacked further research. The outcome in studies conducted suggest the end of relationships do to internet infidelity and that the concept of internet infidelity and ~{! 0~}cyder cheating, ~{! 1~} should be taken as more substantial and real by marriage counselors, relationship counselors and professionals, and more importantly us as individuals.

Conclusion Studying the phenomenon of internet infidelity and it~{! /~}s effects on internet relationships by reviewing past research and by the conduction of interviews has led to what was first theorized; the out come of the abstract on-line relationships, when in a real physical relationship will damage the relationship that is that is not cybernetic. However, I suggest more research to be in this new area of infidelity, in order to give a stronger base to its. References and

Bibliography

Castro. 2005, May.
21. (Personal Interview, May 21, 2005) Gonya, J.
2004.
Internet Sexuality: Clinical Implications for Couples. American Journal of Family Therapy. Vol. 32, Issue 5 P. 375 Gwinnell, E., 1998.
Online Seduction and Falling in Love with Strangers on the Internet. New York: Kodansha America, Inc. p. 88-121. Leiblum, S.R. 1997.
Sex and the Net. Clinical Implications. Journal of Sex education and Therapy. 22. p. 21-27 Patton Q., Michael. Qualitative Research & Evaluation Methods 3rd Edition. California: Sage Publication Inc. p. 215-225. Powell D. 1995, Engendering Infidelity: Essentialist of Social Constructionist Readings of a Story Completion Task.
Feminism and Psychology, p. 345-372. Shaw, J., 2001, Treatment Rational for Internet Infidelity.
Journal of Sex Education and Therapy, 22, p. 29-34. Whitty, M. 2004, Cyber Cheating.