Satisfaction With A Committed Intimate Relationship example essay topic

Media's Portrayal of Men and Women's Communication Styles and Reality... Ways to understand each other in an imperfect world By Jacob Chavez Psychology of Gender August 11, 2000 We see the ways that the popular media uses gender tensions everywhere. The truth is that sex sells, we know that. The challenge that advertisers face is: How to use it best. Some advertisers do this better than others and the ones that truly have an understanding of gender tensions will, in the end, sell the most. In my last paper, I explored how the company Abercrombie and Fitch uses gender tensions to sell their clothes.

They have become among the masters in advertising and the business in booming. They cater to young adults and young adults only for one powerful reason: It is at this age in which the sexual tensions between male and female are greatest. Abercrombie and Fitch has found their niche. At the same time as they prey on male female tensions, they also set the standard for what provides them, that is, they show these girls and guys who are observing each other.

The photos deliberately express a kind of criticism in the eyes of these models, which, in turn, forces self-consciousness, which is closely related to insecurity. This self-consciousness keeps the standard of what 'cool' is, constantly in check. In this way they create an effective loop, which is nearly self-sustaining. The advertisements show primarily, young adults who appear not to be in committed relationships.

While often they will show a couple which, in the perceived fantasy, seem to share some level of commitment, never will they show any intimate relationship, which has gone beyond that initial spark. The reasons for this are a bit sad. My contention is that the younger generations, to which the ads appeal, have grown up in a time in which divorce rates are high and marriages are often unsatisfying. Many of us have been raised within a home where mom and dad didn't live a Brady Bunch lifestyle.

So, therefore, viewing married couples may carry negative connotations. What the advertisers do show is happiness, satisfaction and content. All which are targets for most everyone. In a class called Art and Human values, all students where asked to rate the aspects which they felt were the most important to them.

Nearly half of the class responded with the number one value being happiness. The value of happiness is all encompassing and carries beneath it powerful baggage which can determine the satisfaction of our lives as a whole. So what is it that yields satisfaction and content in a long term way? How do we strive for it and keep from giving up on it in our everyday lives?

In my first paper, I explored how most humans inherently reach a point in their lives where they desire a companion. We reach a point where the 'playing' and the 'dating game' just aren't as fun anymore and what we want is commitment and stability. It is shown through the research of Scanzoni and Scanzoni (1988) that there are three main reasons why we come to this point. They are "companionship (someone to be with and do things with), empathy (someone who listens, understands, and cares), and physical affection (someone with whom love can be expressed through touch, caresses, and sexual intercourse) " (p. 314) These three reasons for desiring a constant, solitary mate are powerful ones which provide much security. They should be understood as a healthy, two way dependency which can, and I express, can bring joy and satisfaction. Satisfaction with a committed intimate relationship can be strongly linked to the level and quality to which these aspects are satisfied.

We bring with us expectations that these desires be mutual, expect that they are satisfied and hope that they are transcended. So a level of satisfaction can be linked to subjective feelings that the relationship provides more rewards than costs, to an intuition as to whether the above-described criteria are met. Therefore, they can also be perceived as 'satisfaction meters'. Susan Stretcher refers to this kind of thinking about them as "expressive domains". Unfortunately, women tend to be more intuitive than men and are embedded with a stronger ability to sense this satisfaction. It may be for this reason that women tend to show a higher rate of dissatisfaction than men within a committed relationship.

This is why it is important for a man to be in touch with these aspects of his marriage, should he desire mutual satisfaction. It must be understood that the three proposed aspects which reflect satisfaction are a result of satisfaction, not a remedy for dissatisfaction. Unlike handwriting analyzers who promise that you can change what you don't like about yourself by changing your handwriting, mending a damaged relationship does not work in this manner. Whether maintaining or hoping to mend a committed relationship, an important question to ask is which, if any, of the three expressive domains, are most malleable? Which are the most important and which provide more satisfaction than the others? It is true that the three have distinct characteristics that vary from each other.

Three characteristics of each, which seem most important, and are inherent to each in different amounts are changeability (how easy it is to change), reflectivity (its intrinsic ability to demonstrate the presence of difficulties) and return (how rewarding the changes can be). Both companionship and sexual intimacy are highly reflective, that is, they both possess the inherent ability to reflect satisfaction level. In other words, if the sex is not so good and little time is spent together, it is likely due to a lack of satisfaction. If the partner and their company is simply less appealing, then both time spent together and quality of sex would go down. However, I would speculate that quality of sex has a higher rate of changeability than time spent together since experimentation in this area may be easier and more rewarding.

Time spent together can be improved in amount and quality, which goes along with communication, but in order to improve new and exciting activities must be adopted. This could introduce conflict of interests and pragmatic obstacles which may inhibit experimentation in this realm. I am not suggesting that time spent together not be improved in quality and amount, simply that one must be careful not to stir up communication problems. Good intent must be recognized and respected. Many researchers have proposed that communication is the essence of a successful relationship (Stinnett and DeFra in). Of the three expressive domains, fortunately this one retains a high level of all three abilities and is therefore the most powerful.

It may be for this reason that communication is thought of as being the essence of a relationship. In many ways it truly is. Good communication, devoid of deceit can prove to be the most rewarding of all three expressive domains. Fortunately, there seem to be a strong relationship between communication and time spent together and quality of sex life. Within communication empathy plays a huge role.

Since females tend to demonstrate a higher level of empathy (Cross, 1999). This may be where gender differences become so apparent in conflict. The ability of 'feel' where somebody is coming from can be extremely important in making someone feel important or special. If empathy is low in conversation, the conversation can be less rewarding and the level of satisfaction goes down. If lack of empathy continues, it is likely that the dissatisfaction to build up and can have significant negative results.

It is also important to understand that value in communication lies in both positive and negative conversation. By this I mean that bad news is good news, but surely it is better than no news at all. It was found in a study by John Bushman, that a common communication myth was that 'disagreement is destructive'. The level of belief in this statement was higher in men than women, but was apparent in both. All couples will have disagreements and voicing them will prove to be important. Disagreeing is a kind of communication and is important, so long as the differences are not to many or allowed to escalate.

Whatever the problem is within the relationship, if a desire to work things out is mutually apparent, there is hope. Ideally, these concepts should be understood, practiced and maintained throughout the relationship, but many of us may find ourselves slipping into a place that we had never expected, nor desired to be. There are relationships that last a lifetime with the power and spark just as strong as it was, if not stronger than in the beginning. We must learn how to understand and respect each other in deep and meaningful ways that encompass all aspects of our humanity, that is, should be desire happiness, satisfaction and content. We want companionship and we want happiness; how do we satisfy these two desires simultaneously? They were installed in our make up to work together, for one to be the means to the other.

But, we are still left in an imperfect world, where nothing remains as perfect as we may be led to believe that it can be.