Time Passes By The Bereaved Starts example essay topic

Loss and Bereavement The loss of someone close can be a very painful experience. When someone passes over to the other side, the people they leave behind are left grief-stricken. The process they go through is called bereavement or another word, people may use is called in mourning. This all depends on what beliefs the bereaved may have on dying.

Different religions cope with mortality in different ways. The Buddhist religion believes in re coronation (life after death) so when a person dies the Buddhists believe that the dearly departed will come back in another life form. So what is the meaning of bereavement? Bereavement is the emotion, which everybody goes through one time or another in their life time.

When someone dies the bereaved will experience the stages of bereavement, whether it is a death of a pet, someone in their family or someone who is close. A death of a son or daughter is very heartbreaking, its one of the worst pain, a parent could ever go through in his or her entire life. Parents believe that they should out live their sons or daughters and when the child passes away before they do it comes as a big shock. When a child dies, the parents are forever picking up the pieces for a long time after the death. As the years go by other people have less pain and appear to accept the death of the child where a parent will still feel the same hurt for the rest of their lives. There is always a place missing in their hearts and it cannot be fulfilled by anyone.

These questions are still asked by the parents who have been bereaved through a child. Did I really have the child I lost or was I dreaming? Will all my memories start to deteriorate as time passes by? Am I going to wake up from this nightmare?

When certain times of the year come round, e.g. birthdays of the deceased, mother's day, father's day, Christmas and the anniversary of the day the deceased departed from this existence. At any of these times of the year it can be very agonizing for the parent of the deceased. It does not matter how long ago the child has been deceased for, the memories will always be there and the agony they went through at that particular time when their child passed over to the other side. Time is supposed to be a great healer in situations like this. This is not always the case. The parent learns to live with the pain of losing a child.

Some days are better then other days. Near the time of a certain date that could be relevant to the child. The parent might get mood swings, bouts of depression or get withdrawal symptoms. The parent may not realize the date and there for it could be their subconscious getting them ready, a warning sign. In my essay I will be looking at the five stages of dying researched by Elisabeth Kubler-ross. The five stages of dying are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.

I will look at some other theories on dying and bereavement. I will compare how the five stages of dying can be used for other situations in society " Elisabeth Kubler-Ross is a medical doctor, psychiatrist and internationally renowned thanatologist" (Kubler-Ross. E. 1983. New York) Dr Kubler-Ross believes that there are five stages of dying. She based her research on patients she worked with. Her patients, she was doing her research on were terminally ill. The patients were preparing for there own deaths.

This is called anticipatory grief. When Dr Kubler-ross was analyzing her patients behaviour, she theorized the five stages of the dying process. This theory could also be used for a parent who has been told that their child has a terminal illness. The first stage of the dying process is denial. When a parent finds out that their son or daughter has a terminal illness. They find it hard to come to terms with the news so they seek for a second opinion.

They also may think that their childe's hospital records have got mixed up with another patients' records. The second part of the process is anger. A parent thinks why my child? What have I done wrong for my child to deserve this? The third theory is bargaining. A parent may pray to a god please don't take my child let me go in my childe's place.

(This however depends on what religion or beliefs the parent has). The forth stage in the process is depression. A parent might get withdrawal symptoms, not sleep very well (insomnia), but still keeping a brave face for their childe's sake. Finally acceptance a parent knows that their child is terminally ill, but deep down inside there is always this hope, that a cure will be found and they just take each day as it comes. When a terminal ill adult finally accepts that they are gonna die, they try and get their finance sorted out and they want to make sure that their loved ones, who they are going to leave behind are going to be well looked after. Bowlby's beliefs are based on the attachment theory.

Bowlby's views are. When a person losses a person most dear to them. E says it through the anxiety detachment. Being separated from a loved one can be very difficult to come to terms with. Bowlby believes that grief is caused from separation anxiety. When an individual leaves another individual it is the upsetting of the attachment bond (Gross, R, Mcileen, R, Coolican, H, Clamp, A, Russell, J, (2000) The last theory I will observe is Ramsay and De G roots theorizes on bereavement and grief there are nine components to their hypothesis.

The first component is shock. Shock can have all kinds of different effects on different people, Feeling numb, depersonalization. Not knowing what you are doing most of the time, This is the time when most of the bereaved, starts' organizing the funeral for the deceased. Than denial, This is the stage where the bereaved don't want to believe that their loved one has passed away. They start looking out for their love one, set a place at the table, wen walking down the street they imagine they see their love one (having hallucinations). This is described as searching behaviour.

After the denial stage depression sets in. This is the time when the bereaved realize that their loved one is not coming back. This is the time when the bereaved start to yearn for their loved ones another word for this is called pining. In some rare cases, when a husband losses his wife or a wife losses her husband. The one who is still alive, starts pinning for their partner.

In some situations, because they miss their partner so much, they tend to loose all interest in living and there for they tend to give up on life its self and within a year or earlier the partner who is left behind, passes over to the other side as well. Now they are both reunited (this all depends on what beliefs the individual may have). Guilt is the next component of grief or bereavement. The bereaved start to recollect all the times they were unpleasant to the dearly departed. They may be feeling guilty because they did not see the deceased as much as they would like to have. The bereaved stars to remember all the arguments they may have had with the deceased, even the minor arguments, they tend to put it all out of proportion and make out it was worse then what it actually was.

The bereaved feel defenceless because they cannot do anything to redress the arguments they may have had, when the deceased was a live. This makes the bereaved feel worse. The next stage is anxiety. This is where the bereaved starts to wonder how they are going to cope without their loved one by their side. They start to feel very lonely.

The bereaved all so start to feel anger. They start to feel angry with either the deceased or the doctors, nurses even the vicar (depending on religion) and who ever is near to them at that time. This is better known as aggression. As the time passes by the bereaved starts to accept that their loved one has passed away. The bereaved then start to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives, trying to get their life back in some sort of order. The bereaved start to live their lives again.

This is called resolution. Finally the last stage the bereaved goes through is better known as reintegration. The meaning of reintegration is the bereaved finally accepting that their loved one has passed away and they start putting the past behind them. The bereaved starts to let go of the past and start looking to the future, except when a relevant date of the deceased comes around. That is the time when all the emotions of the time of death come flooding back. This is the time when it can be difficult for the bereaved.

These feelings last from a few days to a few weeks (Gross, R, Mcilvean, R, Coolican, H, Clamp, A, Russell., J, (2000) After comparing these three theories, I have found out that there is not much difference between the three. When some one close to you passes away. The bereavement process can last up till two years. But in some cases it could last a little bit longer then two years. With the theory of the five stages of dying, it could be used in everyday situations. One example that could be used for the five stages of dying is if some persons car breaks down.

For instance an individual tries to start their car and the car will not start. Their first feeling they get is denial. The individual stars to think "no this cannot be hopping" then the person might get angry and start to curse and swear at the car, then hit the steering wheel. Bargaining comes next pleading with the car, saying that you will take it to the garage if it starts. This is where the depressed feelings come in, thinking how much the car is going to cost, that maybe they are going to be late for work or an appointment.

Then acceptance, they accept that the car is not going to start and they have to call for help to get the car started. This situation can be compared to Elisabeth Kubler-Losses theory of the five stages of dying. There is however a difference with this theory. When the car will not start the stages of the hypotheses will only last for about ten minutes at the most.

The way that people could relate to all these theories written in my essay would be to think back in time to when someone close to you has passed away and what your feeling was at the time. Then everything I have written in my essay, you would then be able to relate to. Losing someone you really love is a very pain full experience. To get over a death of someone it can take up to, two years to get your life back in order. There can be some physical side affects that the bereaved goes through, panic attacks is one of the side affects.

When someone goes through a panic attack. At the time they do not know what it is they are going through. The first stages they go through is the shakes, then they start to breathe heavy (this is called hyperventilating) they take too much oxygen in their bodies (blood streams). When this happens, the person feels very dizzy.

In the more severe panic attacks the persons' limbs go all stiff, they can pass out, then they could be rushed to a hospital. After a few years the panic attacks ware off.

Bibliography

Davies, R, Houghton, P, (1995) Mastering Psychology 2nd edition Macmillan Press Ltd London Donnell an, C, Bereavement.
Vol 41, Independence Education Publisher Dunn, M, (2000) The Good Grief Guide Pathways / How To Books Oxford Gross, r, Mcileen, R, Coolican, H, Clamp, A, Russel, J, (2000) Psychology 2nd edition Hodder & StoughtonKubler-Ross, E, (1983) On Children and Death Macmillan Publishing Company Levine, S, (1998) Who Dies Cat ways Books.