Feelings Of Insecurity example essay topic

Freckle face, Pippi Long Stocking, Spotty Dotty... Those are merely a few of the names that I was called when I was younger. Ever since I was born I have looked "different" from others and always stood out in the crowd. I have red curly hair and an abundance of freckles. When I was younger, I can remember coming home from school very upset and frustrated because I looked so weird.

I mean, no one else but my sister Michelle and I had freckles. (My sister and I have the same complexion and get mistaken for each other all the time, she is three years older then me.) I would think to myself, "Where did I get these horrible things from? Neither one of my parents had them. What did I do wrong to be cursed with them?" At times I would even scrub my face until it turned beet red trying to get rid of my freckles. Everywhere I went people seemed to stare at me. Some people would even say things to me like, "What are all those dots on your face?" or "Where did you get all those freckles?" I would never say anything to them I would just smile and put my head down.

I mean, what could I say? Where did I get all my freckles from? My mother, being full Caucasian, with brown hair had no freckles, and my father being full African American with black hair also had no freckles. These comments made me feel insecure.

I didn't like all the attention when I would walk into a room. I could feel all the eyes staring at me and I could hear the snickers and giggles in the room. I needed to find a way to block out the looks and reactions I got from other people, so I concentrated on my studies. I became very focused in school and paid no mind to others. I became so into my work that I was asked to move up to a higher grade. This step was the step that changed my life.

I learned at a young age that knowledge is power, and I used my knowledge to the fullest. I stopped caring about the snickers I got from other kids and came to accept myself for who I was, a half black half white, red headed, freckle faced girl. With my new acceptance for myself I no longer let the comments be the root of my insecurities, and knew that I was the only one who had power over the way I made myself feel. Even though it took me a while to see out of that window, when I did a whole new perspective opened up to me and knew that I was the one that needed to change and become more confident within so it would shine outwards, and that's what I did. When I started high school I had much more confidence in myself. I paid no attention to the negative comments I received and noticed that the negative comments began to die down and the positive ones kicked in.

People would tell me how beautiful I was and that all my freckles were angel kisses, but bitts of insecurity still gnawed at my soul. Sometimes I thought people just said that to me because they felt sorry for the way I looked. But then I thought, "Why would all those people go out of their way to tell me those things, even perfect strangers?" I am slowly learning to become more excepting of myself and others, but my past has caused me to become very defensive. Being teased about my freckles was a big struggle in my life, but also growing up biracial was very hard to deal with. It seemed the second I stopped being an "outcast" because of my freckles, I became an outcast because of my ethnicity. For many years I felt myself being trapped between races.

I had many black friends, but since my skin was not like theirs I felt as if I didn't belong. I tried hanging out with white people, but again I felt as if I didn't belong. I was in a state a of misery searching for acceptance. I again started to feel the insecurity of not knowing who I was.

"Why couldn't I just be like every one else, normal? !" but I soon snapped out of that trance. As I had experienced before only I could control the way I felt. If I was feeling uncomfortable, I needed to change that. I knew that other peoples views where just that, other peoples, and I didn't have to live up to them. The only thing I could do was be myself. I knew that if someone wanted to know me, they wouldn't judge me on my appearance, but on my inner being.

Once I knew that I was beautiful inside and out, then I knew no one could get me down. The friends that I have now come from many different ethnic backgrounds, and we " re just one big happy family. With them I no longer have to seek for acceptance, because they all have their own struggles that they face. Through our struggles we sought on each other through our pain, comfort, loneliness, and our struggle to survive. This was they key to our friendship, and the glue that held us together. Other then my friends, my family also played a large role in helping me to "find" my true self.

My parents having a interracial relationship, and having biracial kids, got a lot of grief from others, but they stayed strong and stuck through it all. They knew, and I knew that as long as they loved each other it didn't matter what anyone else had to say. I took what I saw and applied it to my struggles that I was and it worked. My friends and family are my backbone, without hem I would be a hobbling rod. As I grew more comfortable with myself and my surroundings my personality began to shine. I no longer was a shy, timid girl, but became a fun person to be around.

I was the "life of the party" as some would say. I would say things like", I'm funnier then I look!" Or other little things along that line just to loosen people up. I was, and still am just a big kid at heart looking for acceptance and through jokes I feel I have truly found that. Having gone through so much, my past has defiantly played a large role in the person I am today.

Being teased and unsure about myself in my former years has caused me to become a very defensive person. It is hard for me to take a complement from someone, and especially hard for me to get close to someone. These are defiantly some huge setbacks that hold me back from becoming the person truly I can be. I just need to remember that I can't let anyone live my life for me, it's my life. Everyday that I wake up I am just happy to be who I am, Rachel Leigh Williams, conceived from mother, Diane Williams, and father, Dwayne Williams.

Born in Oakland California, and raised in Hercules, California and am glad to have grown up in the Bay Area because I know this is a harsh world, and in reality my life could have been much worse growing up anywhere else. Through all of the triumphs I have gone through I have still come out on top and I could not ask for anything more. As I get older, I'm learning to like my inner and outer being more and more. I'm still not exactly sure how and why I ended up looking the way I did, but I don't care any more. I have learned to like the fact that I don't look like everyone else, and that I stand out in a crowd. I still get feelings of insecurity when people stare at me, and I wonder what the are thinking, if they are judging me, but I am still young and maybe those feelings will go away.

I used to think of myself as looking different and hating it, but now I think of myself of being unique, and loving it.